“I Loved My Girl, But My Girl Had A Girl!”

You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Happy Friday beautiful people!

I hope you all have a wonderful three-day weekend and blessed Easter Sunday.

Today is, “Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend” Advice Day. This letter is from a young man looking to forgive, and rediscover love after learning his girlfriend of five years was a “closeted” lesbian.

Check out the letter below, and catch you all next week!

To My Gay Best Friend,

I saw your posts and I don’t know how many men have e-mailed you about this issue but I thought I could pour out my soul to you.

I am a 25 year-old male who was in a deeply committed relationship with this woman named, “Samantha,” whom I loved for 5 years. After 3 years, during the course of our 5 year relationship, I found out she was secretly bi-sexual. It was a shocker to me! I thought we had no secrets. It felt like a piece was ripped from my heart.

Samantha has a lesbian best friend named “Erika,” and they had been kissing. I knew from the start Erika was uncomfortable with our relationship, but I felt that my bond with Samantha it would try help us to get along and be civilized adults. Me and Samantha finally talked and tried to get some counseling to work through this, as a supporting man would. After a month of counseling, Samantha started to show up less and less. She eventually stopped coming. Then it led to no return phone calls, no e-mails, no shows for dates, and missed anniversaries. It was becoming frustrating.

One night I went to Samantha’s house because I was about to propose to her. I got the shock of my life.  When I got there I looked through the window and saw Samantha and Erika having sex! I knocked on the door and asked her to open up. They rushed to the bedroom so fast! So, Samantha comes rushing to the front door as if everything was OK, and I knew it wasn’t, so I dropped the ring on the floor and in tears said, “Why me?” Her friend, Erika, came out of the room and started pushing me around and telling me to get out. Erika screamed, “She doesn’t want a man. That’s why she’s here with me.”

Well, a year after that incident Samantha met with me for lunch. She went through this explanation of what happened and all this stuff. She told me she was a lesbian the entire time we were together, and that she was just using me because she was keeping a front for her parents. They thought we would end up getting married and having kids. Samantha claims that she still loves me, but I don’t understand how she could claim to love me. I feel so hurt about this.

I fear that if I try to date again they may end up being a lesbian or bi-sexual. I don’t want to be traumatized by this experience again. The most painful part of it all is that we had sex throughout our relationship so it began to sink deep for me!

I feel my existence as a man has become weakened. I would have understood if she told me during the course of our first year of dating, then I would have taken things slower, but I grew so in love with her from the first moment I saw her. I want to forgive her, but I don’t have it in me. I still am broken-hearted and unable to tell her how I feel about it all. It brings me to tears every time I think about it and I really need to find out if this chapter in my life can be closed or will time heal all wounds.

I have not been able to confide in anyone about this but I am sure you may have some solutions.

I am still in love with her….What do I do? – Broken Hearted & Hard to Forgive Her

“My Man Has A Fetish…Of The Oral Kind”

Dear Broken-Hearted,

I appreciate you sending me your question, and especially from a man who feels comfortable in his skin and sexuality to allow me to be his best gay friend. That’s what’s up!

After reading your letter I can truly tell you that my heart went out to you. I know the pain of loving someone so much, so deep, and so hard and it’s not reciprocated. You desperately want them to see and know how much you love them, but it simply is not there. Oh, the agony! Remember the song from R&B songstress, Brandy – Have You Ever.

She laid into those lyrics –

Have you ever found the one

And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

Yes, Mr. Broken-Hearted, you’ve experienced a lot in those five years, and you did all that you could. You went to counseling, talked it out, and remained committed to the relationship. However, you stated that after three years into your five year relationship you discovered Samantha was bi-sexual. What made you stay? Was it your undying love? Or, the time you invested into the relationship? Or, were you hopeful you would be able to change her, and her mind?

I’ll tell you this, you can’t change folks. You can’t make them into the person you want them to be. One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is falling in love with the potential in a person. Instead of looking at the person in front of us, the person we know who is not good for us, or the person who is clearly not relationship material, we look at who they can be, and will become. We fall in love with who we hope they will become. As I’ve said in my previous responses to people, chile, when people tell you who they are, believe them. When they show you who they are, believe them. And, Samantha revealed her true colors and you didn’t believe her. She stopped attending the counseling sessions. She stopped answering your calls, emails, and anniversaries. Yes, boo, those were clear signs.

And, I am not letting Samantha off, because she was dirty. That was low how she used you as a cover for her family, and she introduced you to her lesbian lover under the guise as her “Best Friend.” That is truly deceptive and déclassé. What she did was silly, immature, and dangerous. You don’t play with people, and their emotions. Mr. Broken-Hearted, you say you still love her. HELLO!!! WAKE UP and get the cold out your eyes. Why do you want to be with someone who has no regard for you? Someone who will deceive and lie to you? Boy, Samantha, is clearly not someone you need or deserve in your life. You are much better than that.

Yes, I know it’s hard to forgive and move on, but you’re going to have to. Let her go. Move on. Stop obsession over what happened. It’s been over a year. You are allowing and giving Samantha power over you every time you think about, re-hash, and re-live the relationship. She has moved on, and I am certain she is not thinking about you. Forgive her and start living your life for you. More importantly, forgive yourself. You’ve loved and lost, now count it as a lesson learned. When you forgive you release the power the other person has over you, and it gives you the strength and courage to move on. Forgiveness frees you, uplifts you, and empowers you! Can I get an, amen?

Lastly, Mr. Broken-Hearted, you know what wears me out to no end is when I hear people who are in relationships say, “We have no secrets.” If you believe that then you need another hole in your head. I don’t believe people in relationships ever tell their mate everything, and I mean “EVERYTHING.” There are some secrets I know about certain people, and have heard lots of people say, “This is going to my grave with me.” And, trust me, they mean it. If you follow the philosophy that people are not going to tell you everything, then, when you discover something about your mate they were hiding it will come as no surprise.

Let me wrap this up because I can go on and on. Boy, it’s time for you to get back in the dating game. Get back out there and enjoy life. There’s no guarantee who you will meet, and what type of person they will be, however, you now have experience in your corner. And like, Miki Howard, sang, ‘Experience is a good teacher.’ She said her love is under new management, and so should yours. Reclaim your life. Reclaim your power. Reclaim your love. And, let me tell you something. You are no less the man you were before the relationship. In fact, you’re more of a man for having the courage to share your story and experience. Big ups to you!

And, finally, because I am feeling Brandy right about now, and her and Wanya Morris ripped the song, Broken Hearted:

Life’s not over

It’s a hurting thing to get over

You can get over it. Trust me, you can! – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend