“I Sort Of Cheated On My Girlfriend, And My Conscience Is Killing Me”

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You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am a 20-year old college student and I’ve been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for almost a year. I have never been serious with any girl before this relationship and I am very happy with the way things are going. She is like my other half and I’ve never been more comfortable being myself around any other girl. It’s no secret that I value this relationship.

My girlfriend and I have had intimate conversations in the past and she always talks about how much she loves and trusts me. This kills me because when we first became a couple, I had an encounter with the girl I was sleeping with prior to our relationship who had gone away to school. I bumped into her at a club. She was in town from school. After the club, I received a text from her asking me to come over to her friend’s house. Next thing I know, I’m laying in the bed with her and we start kissing and we were naked before I knew it. By the way, I’m still a little buzzed from drinking at the club earlier. Anyway, I climb over her about to put it on her but I suddenly had a change of heart and got off the bed and got dressed. She was very understanding when I told her that I didn’t want to cheat and promised to never speak about it.

I have not had sexual contact with anyone other than my girlfriend since but I feel like telling her a secret like this could mess up the relationship because technically I still cheated. I do not want to give her trust issues for future relationships in case we separate one day. I am also afraid she will leave me and if she does take me back, she will not care to be faithful because she will feel her cheating is justified and it will bring more heartbreak and I’m not sure if I can bear it because I’ve never been hurt before. I was thinking if I bury this nobody will get hurt but I feel terrible because she really trusts me and I have already broken that trust. Should I tell her? – My Conscience Kills Me

“We Met In Vegas, Hit It Off & Been Intimate, But Now He’s Ignorning Me”

Dear Mr. My Conscience Kills Me,

SMDH! I mean really, mister man. Really! You college kids wear me out talking about faithful relationships, and being in love, yet, you’re on campus surrounded by your thirsty hormones.

Now, check this out, I noticed throughout your entire letter that your concern is about sparing your hurt, being dumped, and jeopardizing the trust that you betrayed. I also noticed how you said that your girlfriend talks about how much she loves and trusts you, yet, nowhere in your letter do you say anything about your love and trust for her. I’ll let you ponder that for a moment.

So, let me ask you this, because I love how folks always want to play the victim, but don’t want to take full responsibility for their actions. Let’s say you do love and trust her. And, let’s say the shoe was on the other foot. Would you want your girlfriend to tell you that when the two of you first start dating, a guy she used to sleep around with met up with her at the club, she went home with him, they got naked and fooled around, but at the last minute she had a change of heart and couldn’t go through with it? So, you wouldn’t want to know?  How would you react if she did tell you? Would you stay in the relationship knowing this information? Or, would you move forward and work it out and hope that it wouldn’t happen again because she loves you and you love her?

Oh, this is good, and I know it’s a lot of questions for you to consider. But, you’re in college and I hope you got some sense. Just think of it as the ACT or SAT of relationships. But, then again, you’ve already failed. You see, I know you wouldn’t stay in the relationship with her because as a man you’d feel as if another man has taken what is yours. You would call her all types of hoes, sluts, and tramps. But, isn’t that what you are? BOOM! BAM! POW!

Dishonesty is dishonesty no matter how you want to play this out. If you don’t say anything it will eat away at your conscience, as it already is. It’s killing you, isn’t it? You think about it constantly. Chile, that’s what happen when you do wrong. And, in my Celie from The Color Purple voice, “Until you do right by me, everything you do gon’ fail.” Honey, that is the line of the millennium. And, she ain’t never lied.

And, if you do decide to say something, you stand the chance of losing your girlfriend, her trust, and her commitment to you. Yes, there is the chance she will break up with you, and there is the chance she will be hurt-broken and may stay in the relationship but she will always wonder if you’ll do it again. And, if she decides to stay she may say, “You know what? He cheated on me, so I’m going to go out here and show him how it feels to be hurt by someone you love.” Then, she has sex with some guy. So, basically you’re assed out, just like you were when you were in the bed with your former sex partner. Chile, you should have gone ahead and stuck in it. Because if you do say anything to your girlfriend, and although you didn’t go through with the act, she won’t hear it the way you explained. Just like you said, you still cheated.

I mean come the “F” on Mr. I-Think-With-My-Little-Head-And-Not-My-Big-Head, or whichever is bigger, LMBAO! You had what I like to call, “premeditated sex.” Don’t y’all steal my term. LOL! When you bumped into your former sex partner at the club, and then afterward you received the text from her, you could have simply told her “I can’t come over. I’m in a relationship.” Or, you could have not responded at all. You could have stayed your narrow horny ass home and used your good five fingers to do the job. But, you didn’t. The flashbacks of the sex with her made your loins stir, and you couldn’t resist being up in her again and you dashed over there ready to pounce. So, no, I don’t have pity for you. No, I am not going to sit here and tell you don’t say anything. You made this bed, now lie in it and be a man about it and accept the consequences be what they may.

Honesty is the best policy. If you want a relationship with someone who is loving, trusting, and worthy of your heart, and theirs, then you’ve got to be honest. You’ve got be trustworthy, and you’ve got to faithful. Temptation is all throughout the world, and there is a biblical scripture that states, which is actually the Lord’s prayer you should be saying every day, “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

So, man up. Get your balls out your hand and tell your girlfriend what happened. Apologize and let her know it will never happen again. Tell her how much you love her, and that you will do whatever is needed to regain her trust. Whatever she decides is up to her. You just have to accept the consequences and live with them. We all have choices in life. And, since you want to act grown and be an adult, then accept grown ass folks responsibilities. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

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