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black couple talking on couchBefore I get into this post I have to thank those who have trusted me with the details of their love lives thus far. I’ve formed some great client-coach relationships with folks by simply answering a letter and in the process I  also learn more about myself.

I receive a lot of letters, and I try my absolute best to answer them to the best of my ability in a non-judgmental manner. I admire the folks who have the guts to send me,  a stranger, letters containing their personal tidbits. Yes, you are taking chance, but at the same time the advice is needed so you hope for the best before pressing send.

One of the most annoying and common lines I’ve heard in playalistic history is this: “I’ve been going through some things”.

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I refuse to keep this part of the game to myself anymore; it’s tearing me apart! This particular excuse is used after a hiatus, when the person is too afraid/selfish to admit they have other “active options” or when they are hesitant to reveal that “it’s not too deep” because it would start world war 3.

How immature of me to jump to conclusions, I mean that could actually be the truth, we all go through thangs don’t we? *rolls eyes*

As co-chair of the Drama Queen Association of North America I know that when I’m going through thangs, as private as I am, my significant other will always be one of the first to know. I can only hold my tongue for so long from him, he has known me long enough to know how to draw it out from me and vice versa.

Even if he were to be a “friend’ of mine I’d still divulge a lil something something and I know this to be true of men for the most part. Women talk out the tings, men act out the tings.

As a grown adult you know the difference between going through some things and I need some serious space. I’m confident you know the difference because I know we’ve all been there at one point or another. There are people in my life at this very moment who I’ve had to distance myself from, it sucks, but at the end of the day we all know who and what’s best for us at any given moment. Trust it.

Now back to my point, when the person who you are in some form of a relationship with takes a hiatus meaning they do not pick up calls, take forever to text back and when they do respond with cold one word answers- know this- they are not going through some thangs, and they definitely do not need your help to work through it.

It stings.

The feeling of rejection stings, some of us can take the L and are very skilled at it, we drift to another lova and then some of us switch into seek and destroy mode. The later is what I need you to understand a little more about. When we become aware that someone we are fond of is in trouble we generally want to help them out in some way, you were raised by humans and not wolves so I get it. The trouble is when we are given this prickly bald-headed excuse from the man or woman we’ve been cool with for a few months our natural instinct is to seek more understanding. We want to help, we want to solve, we want to soothe because at that moment we desperately need to feel those feelings reciprocated. The missing picture is that the person on the other end is not in the business to reciprocate shit. S-H-I-T.

Ouch.

If the person you swear was the one and the ideal partner for life, takes a break from keeping in contact only to resurface a month later after repeated attempts by you to get into contact only to reveal they are going through some things *breathe*…I’m gonna put my retirement savings and vintage jar of play-doh on it and call bullshit.

How do handle your funk? Are you quick to dismiss your significant other and/or loved ones when you are going through rough patches?

Speak on it below or tweet me @goddess_I

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