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Kids can be so cruel. I was extremely naïve when I was moved from my foster home in Scarborough (East end of Toronto) to live with my mother in the government subsidized Parma Court neighborhood in North York (central Toronto). Up till those pre-teen years I hadn’t cursed, or had I known anyone who was sexually active or dipping in and out of illegal activities. I was sheltered from a lot growing up, in some ways I’m grateful and in other ways I think to myself, “damn all that was going on while I was on the jungle gym?”

It was a major culture shock to go from an extremely Christian home and neighborhood sprayed with middle class polish to a government housing complex and a school of children who flocked to the front sidewalk during break to smoke …no inhale.

I always felt out of place and although I could relate to the pre-teen struggle I clung to a more innocent trouble free world, total late bloomer in every sense.

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Growing up there were always a few girls who were more physically developed, appealing to boys and talked about on the daily, like front page news record setter Kim Khardashian. I never wanted to be like the girls who were popular and talked about. We were cool for the most part however I couldn’t help but think what would life be like for them later. I always had my mind in the future; I knew that this middle school awkwardness I was president of, would not last forever.

I can tell you that a few of the talked about girls of my school days went on to dabble in stripping and others started families very early.

There were also girls I went to school with that went through ugly duckling transformations and their promiscuity blossomed later in life, they’re, well they are doing them.

I’m not here to judge anyone for having a sexual history but a question came to my attention that I think is important to address:

If you had a one nightstand in the past (5 years ago) with someone your friend has now made their significant other- would you say something? This is assuming that your friend has no knowledge of the one nightstand.

I had this debate with my boyfriend and he said that for men it is against guy code to break up happy homes, meaning he would not say a word. I on the other hand disagree. I disagree because a) it’s the past and nothing horrible b) it’s better to find out from me than from some outsider.

HOWEVER I will say that I don’t know what it’s like to have a shameful sexual past, nor do I know what it’s like to be a man in that situation. I may be the only one in the class but I don’t believe one nightstand’s make you a horrible person; it’s consensual sex between two single folks. I’m also a straight woman and we almost expect our man to have had some level of promiscuity in the past, that’s kind of sad. Men generally want to believe that the woman they settle down with is untouched, pure as Dove soap with a low sexual number.

I truly believe there are women like our mothers out there (pure and wholesome) and then there are also women who have a diverse sexual history. Does that make or break a man’s decision to make that woman a significant other? I don’t see evidence of this in Hollywood or in real life but I want to hear it straight from my male readers. Tell us what it really is because in some way shape or form we all have secrets in the closet.

Sound off below or tweet me @goddess_I

If you’d rather be anonymous I’m available by email too: contact@goddessintellect.com

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