Pornography. Something like a hot topic these days.
I was recently perusing through the Yahoo! Love + Sex blog and I found an ongoing dialogue about the place pornography should have in a relationship. A few questions came up. Should a woman be offended if her man watches porn after sex? Should a woman be offended if her man watches porn, period? Should a man tell his woman if, when, or how often he watches porn? Blah blah, etc.
Now, I may or may not have a boyfriend who does or doesn’t watch porn in excess, but that information is irrelevant; I’m not particularly keen on the World Wide Web knowing my personal business. I also happen to be wearing my objective bystander cap. That said, my thoughts and/or response to the aforementioned questions are the following:
Choosing to huff and puff about how often your man turns to Tiny’s Black Adventures for a little visual stimulation is about as ridiculous as huffing and puffing every time your man salivates over a Kim Kardashian, Buffie the Body, or Angelina Jolie editorial spread. Feeling threatened by a pixel that is impossibly capable of doing for him what you can do for him is not a good look. Know you’re the bomb, and own it. Period.
Instead of taking offense to what your man watches throughout the course of his day to day, I present to you the following options:
1. Step YOUR game up. Take initiative. Communicate with your man. Find out his likes and dislikes. Find out why he is so quick to pop in a video when you’re sitting in the next room. Never become so content with the stability of your relationship that you stop doing the things that made him fall for you in the first place. If your nails were painted when you met him, keep them painted when you can, and don’t let them chip. If you were rockin’ a fresh perm, schedule your touch-ups like clockwork. Save the granny panties for the monthly, and only the monthly, etc. you get my point… And, he’ll thank you.
2. Watch with him. Make it a movie night. Worst case scenario, you roll your eyes the whole way through (why watch what you can do?), but the best case scenario is, at the very least, twofold. Either you gain valuable insight about your man’s fetishes without ever having to ask him outright, or you pick up some new tricks. I will never forget the day I asked to go through an old boyfriend’s collection. His collection was Latin American, one hundred percent, and while I could’ve pulled the insecure card for being African American, afro and all, I went home later that night and brushed up on my Spanglish. He thanked me.
3. Buy a toy…or twelve. If he can turn elsewhere for arousal – so long as he’s not out with another man or woman doing the real thing – so can you. I guarantee getting familiar with your neighborhood toy store will make you forget about his non-threatening extracurriculars.
If I have learned nothing else in my 21 years of blessing, I’ve learned that close-mindedness prohibits growth. And, furthermore, life is too short to lose your sense of humor for the sake of taking yourself too seriously.
Long story short, if the Missionary is your bread and butter, then you have no right to question what he watches in his spare time. Simply thank him for not roaming the local clubs in search of something a bit more substantive.
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