Why doesn’t society paint emotional abuse to be as intolerable and unacceptable as physical abuse?
I recently started recalling all the instances of friends and loved ones who had been in either physically and/or emotionally abusive relationships and I replayed the dynamics in my head. It seemed as though my three girlfriends who had been in physically violent love affairs were always encouraged by their family and friends (myself included) to leave immediately. We hurt with them and cried with them and begged them to leave because they deserved better and the sight of their suffering was painful.
And then there were those who endured emotional abuse—from name calling in the heat of every argument, to possessive controlling, to serial cheating and making babies outside the relationship. While we did encourage them to escape, our sense of urgency just wasn’t the same. One time in particular, after I gave a long spill to my home girl about how she needed to just leave her man instead of complaining about his frequent creeps, she told me “Girl, your expectations are too high. Men will be men and as long as he’s not beating me, I’m good.” I didn’t get how she was “good” because she was always crying about yet another side piece, but the rest of our clique seemed to agree with her, as one said, “Well at least he pays the bills.” Though I strongly disagreed with the whole “men will be men” mentality, I surrendered my argument because I knew my point of view was part of a losing battle.
It was an all too familiar way of thinking, even though I didn’t realize it then. My other good friend’s mother would go through many days sorrowful because of the way her husband treated her. And when her daughter, my friend, grew up and went to her mother with her own relationship troubles, her mom often reminded her, “Men will be men. You just have to give them time. He’ll settle down one day.” The difference between what was acceptable regarding physical violence and emotional abuse was vast and still is.
Also On HelloBeautiful:
Celebs Tweet Their Thoughts About #JusticeForSandraBland
1. Jesse Williams
#SandraBland's treatment while attempting to travel freely on HER public roadways has been acknowledged as unlawful. She is already dead.
2. Taraji P. Henson
"SAY HER NAME #SandraBland"
3. Ava DuVernay
"'Why are you arresting me?' Because you know your rights. Because I can. Because no one'll believe you. #SandraBland"
4. Kim Kardashian
#WhatHappenedToSandraBland We need answers!!!! This is NOT ok! This is all shady! They need to own up to this & tell the truth!
5. Jussie Smollet
"A loss 4 words. #SandraBlandMatters #BlackLivesMatter 👈🏿tell me this should change once the nation shows that we do. "
6. Snoop Dogg
🙏🌹. Sandra. Rip. 🌹🌹
7. K. Michelle
R.I.P to this queen. This could've been any of us. My prayers go out to her family. #sandrabland https://instagram.com/p/5fvlO_AhCf/
8. Gabrielle Union
SAY HER NAME!!! #SandraBland #SandraBland #SandraBland #SayHerName
"We must get to the cause of #sandrabland death because this CANNOT happen again #deathorfreedom"
10. David Banner
"When will we fight back. A man's duty on earth is to protect women and children. Where are the gangsters? Preachers? We need you. Please."
11. Nicki Minaj
"Rest In Peace #SandraBland"
12. Talib Kweli
"We the people ask @LorettaLynch to investigate #SandraBland #KimberleeRandleKing RETWEET "
Signs. Signs. Signs all around us. The Message is Here. #SandraBland
14. Missy Elliot
"When I look at the #SandraBland traffic video it brings so many emotions😳😢😡😡😤!"
15. Jessie J
"God bless your soul Sandra | #sandrabland | Change needs to come |Justice needs to be served | Heart… https://instagram.com/p/5fV79mQ0aw/ "
16. Jackee Harry
"It's time y'all, it's time.." #SandraBland #BlackLivesMatter
"In memory of #SandraBland these things don't make no kinda sense "
18. Holly Robinson Peete
I really don't look forward to having ANOTHER difficult conversation w my kids tonight...but here we go again😧💔 #SandraBland #SayHerName 😢
19. Jeffrey White
Sadly, doesn't matter by whose hand she died. Unjustified arrested set the outcome in motion. The state murdered her. #JusticeForSandraBland
Sandra could have been your mother, sister, aunt, friend or if she wasn't killed the community outreach advisor A&M. #SandraBland
21. Joan Smalls
"My heart is broken. Sending my deepest condolence to her family and friends. May you find Strength, Peace and Justice. When will this stop? #EqualityForAll #RIP #Why #SayHerName
22. Gladys Knight
Sandra Bland.... #SayHerName #SandraBland
23. Cara Delevigne
Things need to change NOW #SANDRABLAND #Justice #Equality
24. Meek Mill
"Rip to that young lady that lost her life about a traffic stop! 🙏 ima make sure I pray for her and her family! 🙏😄😄😄"