In a new trending Youtube video, animator and ‘Junt Land’ creator Munirah Jones comedically explores how bleak modern dating can be.
In the parody, the digital bearded bae feeds the Black woman archetype regurgitated lines such as “good morning beautiful” while running down his list of
excuses “jobs” that give him no time to foster a relationship. To top it off, when he’s asked about his plans for a family or future, he runs off. Typical f*ck boy.
I asked Jones what inspired her piece, and her answer was frank: real life. “The dating experience. It’s quite laughable,” Jones explained.
“The stories I’ve heard, the antics I’ve witnessed and the things I’ve experienced firsthand give me endless inspiration. It doesn’t matter the ethnicity, socioeconomic background or whether or not you like Kanye right now, no one wants sub-minimum effort while dating. But too many women are getting or have gotten just that, which is why my video is so relatable.”
Although the dry humor in this piece can make you chuckle, it’s a cold reality for Black women navigating the wicked web of dating in America. According to the U.S. Census, marriage among Black people in America has declined, with the national average of people who have never been married hovering around 33%, while the number of Black people who have never been married over-indexes at around 50%.
It’s no surprise half of us have never been married because we are barely even dating. Stats from dating app Tinder shows that Black women and Asian men are more likely to be swiped “left” or passed on. Hashtags like #WasteHisTime and #MenAreTrash highlight the frustration women feel with men who insist on dating without purpose or intention. Black men are waving the false flag of “black men don’t cheat” to dismiss criticisms of their gender with a sweeping “bro” lie.
With the conversation concerning why our men can’t seem to get it together bubbling over on the web and in our communities, one has to pause and consider who is to blame when it comes to bad dating habits and decorum. The creator of the short, weighed in on who may be at fault.
“We mostly outnumber them, and yet we’re afraid to be without them,” Jones exclusively told HB. “And for them, there’s a rate of success. For every woman who won’t allow him to waste her time, there are 2 more who will. Why be better when you don’t have to be? ”
Of course, men need to take personal responsibility for their f*ckery. I’m not sure why some men lack the self awareness to stay away from that “good woman” if they aren’t ready to be in a relationship. I can’t explain why women tend to carry the onus of relationship progression (how often do men start the ‘where is this going?’ convo.) And I can’t for the life of me understand why men commit to whole relationships but insist on cheating. Some people will blame the war on drugs in the 80s and 90s that drove Black men out of our homes and left sons without father figures. Some people will point the finger at toxic masculinity that encourages men to lack empathy and emotional intelligence. The blame game could go on ad nauseam. But I do know, that men continue to exist this way, because p*ssy and faux relationships are still available to them no matter what they do.
At a certain point, we just have to stop settling. Being alone when you want to be in a relationship sucks, I know. But being “WYD’d” to death isn’t satisfying either. Being played is traumatizing, especially when you know you had all the red flags and still dove in head first.
I once received some priceless free game by a guy friend who told me that I will always be able to separate the “good men” from the “bad men” based on their actions. Not words. Actions. He told me “Game can be a lot of things, but one thing game can’t be is consistent.” Game is inherently flighty. It’s the guy who takes days to respond. It’s the guy who won’t make date plans with you. It’s the guy who hovers around your life with no intention to be in it. It’s the guy who says relationship questions are “too much pressure.” Cut. It. Off. I do believe the more women walk in the power, the more men have to rise to meet the occasion. Historically, men have toppled kingdoms and went to war to win our affections, so it’s time we remind them who runs this and keep our vibrators buzzing until they remember.
Follow Munirah on Facebook or IG and Twitter @juntland.