I remember tweeting a few years back about my frustration with the lack of chivalry displayed from men in my city.I blasted taxi drivers who refused to help me with my groceries to the front of my apartment and rude pig faced men in suits who neglected to hold doors open or get up out of their seat for women. I was doomed I thought, I might as well date myself and grow an extra set of arms to help with heavy lifting. But then one day while I was in hustle groceries to yo front door mode a gentleman in passing offered to assist me. I was shocked that I almost said, “Its ok I’m fine.”
I knew damn well I wasn’t fine, but a part of me also did not want to give this man any ideas if you know what I mean.
Here’s how I know I have gone through some major growth from my taxi driver ranting days:
a) Not every man who offers to help you wants to get inna yuh draws (sleep with you), even if that were the case you control the direction of that type of interaction. A simple yes or no will generally do.
b) It is ok to ask for and accept help from men
I let him carry my bags to the door. At the time little did I know that experience would help to change my fatherless perspective of men and their roles in a woman’s life.
If you know anything about me, you know that I will gladly take on more than I can handle *coughs* 5-City Tour *coughs* and if I can’t get what I want when I want, I’ll go and find away to get it at all cost. This is a good thing and a bad thing because in the end I burn out or dig myself in so deep that I am too embarrassed to ask for help. That right there is a result of years of having to fend for myself and take care of my family. I felt low and pitiful.
In reality what is really pitiful is a prideful woman. She is not sexy, because she is unable to express her true desires and needs. Why? because there is a deep seeded fear that she will be let down or rejected, it’s happen quite a few times in the past. When your pride is so great that you refuse to let others see your weakness or your true self is when you appear emotionless and robotic to the outside world.
If “she” can do it herself, what is the purpose of having human connection?
You cannot form authentic human connections without letting a piece of yourself go without expectation. You cannot form authentic human connections without allowing others to feed and assist you from time to time.
I write this to share my thoughts, however at the same time I’m writing to reinforce this to me, myself and I.
Ladies men love to be of use. Confession- I let a light bulb stay dark in my kitchen or a few days until my boyfriend came over to replace it. Why? I mean I know I could change it myself but I think it’s sexy to watch him change light bulbs and do work around the house. I think it’s sexy to feel loved and wanted, and not just for sex, to fill a void in one’s social schedule or to numb loneliness.
I mean I’m not going around breaking stuff just to get off but I enjoy being helped and for as many things as I’m good at doing there are also things I need help with. I’m okay with being wrong, I’m ok with failing once in awhile, I’m ok with admitting that I’m low on cash or that I want to treat, I’m VERY okay with being a woman and most importantly allowing a man to be a man.
If this is something you struggle with as a woman, I challenge you to get into the habit of asking for help with groceries to your car, opening a door or what ever you feel comfortable with. Just ask, don’t expect chivalry to come knocking at your front door if you’re an “I can do it all myself” mess- True story.
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