One of the reasons why I fail miserably at dating is because I never know the rules. About a month ago, I met this cutie at Chase Bank (who we shall affectionately call Chase). As I checked my depressing checking and savings accounts, the batting of the eyelashes and the totally unnecessarily smiling commenced.
“So you should take my number down and we can hang out sometime,” he said after about 20 minutes of flirtatious giggles. A week later we went out on our first date–a cute little burger joint–where we did the preliminary first date song and dance.
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Two weeks later, Chase and I went for a walk and I noticed he seemed a bit down. “What’s wrong, babe?” I said holding his hand. “You mad you didn’t save 15% by switching to Geico?”
“Shut up,” he said with a laugh. He told me his ex called him and accused him of being a heart-breaker. I assumed she was trying to guilt trip him for ending their relationship. It’s what Janes are known for doing. Chase told me she accused him of sending mixed signals, which was why he seemed so hurt.
“Well, why would she say that?” I curiously asked.
“Because the week before you came over my house, she was there,” Chase admitted. Wait. What? Despite my confusion, Chase continued, “We had sex and now she wants to know where we stand.”
Again…wait. What?
The sun was about to set and the sky was filled with splashes of strawberry and pink. It was the first time in a long time that by 6 o’clock, it wasn’t dark out. But the news from Chase stopped me from enjoying it. We walked to the train and this time, there was no hand-holding. I gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek and thanked him for his honesty.
The next day at happy hour and I told my girls about what Chase said. I was feeling uneasy about it.
“Girl, listen,” Danielle said. “He was honest! You know how many dudes wouldn’t have said that to you?! They would’ve just lied.”
Ty cosigned, “He could’ve easily been like ‘Oh, nothing. Just a hard day at work, That’s all.’ ”
I heard everything they were saying, but for me, it was just…sticky! Too close for comfort. Literally the week before I was at his house (going to second base) only to find out that some other chick was there around the same time, giving him a home run!
Okay, I get it. We’re just dating. He doesn’t owe me anything and I don’t owe him anything either. According to whatever rules whoever made, him still having relations with his ex is completely within his rights, but forgive me if as a woman, I want to feel special, distinct or not just like a name on his roster.
I’m not boinking just anyone! That’s not how I get down. But in my head, if he’s still poking his ex-girl on Facebook and in between the sheets, what incentive do I now have to boink him? And let’s say I forget that he’s still dealing with his ex. If he and I have sex, then what incentive will he have to stop having sex with his ex? The more the merrier, right?
I guess I’m just nervous. Yes he’s super cute. Yes he’s honest but I’ve been hurt so many times in the past by guys who told me the truth, I’m just not willing to do this again. I’ve hoped for the best and ignored the truth men have told me, and you know what it’s got me? A bucket full of tears, next to the empty tup of ice cream.
Ladies, I need your advice. Do you think I’m asking for too much from this guy? Or, am I well within my rights to be hesitant?
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