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I remember discovering the VHS porn collection (I’m showing my age!) of an ex-boyfriend one day while cleaning. At first I was outraged and that slowly burned away into this uncontrollable lusty curiosity, so I pressed play. My eyes widened and I got into my own rhythm I was so turned on from finding his secret treasure. After releasing I made sure to rewind the tape to the part he had left off at. That was funny enough my first introduction to adult films. Naïve I was…was.

I’m not going to lie when I found the tapes I felt inadequate in every way. Although it did not stop me from getting off on my own and opened my mind to new ways of loving, I felt immense pressure to put it down in bed like the bubbly booty false lashed girls on screen.

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I was timid to talk about it, the fact that I had found his precious porn collection. Part of me thought that perhaps he had the video cued up on purpose in an attempt to free up my premature sensuality.

One thing that stuck out was that the chicks in these videos looked and acted nothing like me. I am probably a lot more demure and submissive then someone like Jada Fire or Pinky, so I began to think. What am I not doing? Why is he watching and getting off to this type of woman?

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Regrettably I never shared the conversation I was having in my head with my then boyfriend but I later learned through my own experiences with sexual fantasies that they will almost never involve a significant other.

This doesn’t mean that you won’t want to try new and freaktastic things with them it’s just that we all have this superficial part to our imagination that experiments. These experiments can sometimes take over and you may have a situation where you are actively seeking fresh meat in order fulfill these fantasies or an addiction is developed, most of the time, its innocent horny mind banter.

I don’t think it’s up to one partner to maintain sexual spice in relationship and I certainly don’t feel that if a man has fantasies about women with a body type/feature that if different than yours, it makes you inadequate in their eyes. After all they chose you.

Should You Reveal EVERYTHING To Your Partner?

If you have a concern that your partner is addicted to porn or is in to fetishes that he denies than that is a different scenario altogether. Addictions and dishonesty tear relationships apart and quite frankly you don’t need to be with someone who you have a hard time trusting…it’s a bad look for the libido…well mine anyway!

Have you ever discovered that your partner has/had a sexual fantasy you were not in agreement with? How did you handle the situation?

Have you ever discovered that your partner was into a different type of man/woman than you? How did that make you feel? Is that something to end a relationship over?

Announcement: Join me for a one-day only From Friend To Boyfriend webinar based on the recent Lipstick Wisdom post, on November 14th @ 8pm Eastern Standard Time. Please RSVP by emailing me

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