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I was in the building of my laundry room handling my delicates and other garments when a neighbor came in. The neighbor happened to be a dude who I exchange hellos and friendly smiles with all the time. He wasn’t anyone I engaged in a longer than sixty second conversation with, so I was taken by surprise when he asked me out for coffee. In fact when I got back up to my apartment I laughed so hard, because it was just mad awkward to be approached in the laundry room while handling my business.

Although it was  a slightly awkward moment, I will probably end up going out for a coffee, not because I want to be a friendly neighbor but because of his approach.

I’ve seen too many wonderful men turn into paralyzed mimes when it comes to approaching women. Its either that, or they become a blithering idiot, resorting to hissing and pulling out dated pick-up lines out of their behind just to grab a number.

The other day behind a food counter Mr.Hairnet winked and smiled at me so hard I thought his eyeball had sunk into the back of his head, he then proceeded to run to the back of the kitchen, punked out and asked his co-worker to get my phone number.

See, if his offensive game was any good he would’ve ripped off that hairnet,  jumped over the counter and started a conversation.

Remember those? Yea, in 2011 I believe the art of conversation is still lurking around somewhere.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s going to be up to us women to give the hints and clues in order to get one of those suckas (conversation) going. Here are a few ideas I’ve come up with:

  • Get to the point: If he happens to put the effort into starting a real conversation and you can tell he’s hesitating to ask you out yet he wants to, ask him point blank… “What made you want to come over here to speak with me?” or “what did you want to ask me?” This may not work with every personality, because he may indeed just want someone to talk to. Use your discretion.
  • Smile: No other non-verbal form of communication is more powerful than a smile. It warms hearts and makes others feel comfortable in your presence.
  • Suck it in and walk over: You’ve met eyes like 1o ten times already and his feet have stopped working so be a big girl suck in the gut, push out the butt, go over and spark a convo please!
  • Avoid putting folding your arms and placing your hands on your hip: The easiest way to ward people off from you in a social setting is to act like you don’t want to be there. Although you may not be aware of it, these non-verbal cues basically gets interpreted as eff  you.

These are just some basic ideas I came up with. Bottom line, women loves confidence, not I-got-slick-crisco-greasy pick up lines, but a nice conversation with a man who is straight to the point. I believe that if men took the “getting the number” aspect out of their game plan when approaching women, there would be less pressure on both sides. Put the ball in her court, let her know another conversation (keyword: conversation), or a continuation of the one started would be nice. That way there is no expectation for anything but a good time.That’s my two cents but of course I’m here to learn……..

Fellas: Are there certain behaviors or non-verbal cues women send out that stop you from approaching them?

Ladies: Have you ever made eye contact sent all the non-verbal hints you could only to have a dude shy away?

Tell me about it!

About the author:

Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Love what you’re reading? Vote Goddess Intellect for Best International Blog in the 2011 Black Weblog Awards.

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