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As a firm believer in female solidarity and putting chicks before, well you know, I have to wonder if there is a point where that belief can go too far.  In the perilous battlefield of finding your perfect guy, have the rules of engagement between women gone too far?

I was out last weekend celebrating a friend’s birthday and there was the usual mix of too many martinis and too few men. The scene was hot and everyone was having a ball when a very eligible bachelor joined our group. Being new to the group, I asked my friend if he was seeing anyone, she replied no but that she had had a crush on him. Automatically, my eye candy didn’t look so sweet because I was not about to violate the golden rule between women: “Don’t mess with your girls’ guys.” But, she followed up by saying that it wasn’t a big thing and she didn’t really care. So, I took things slow and waited for him to make the first move—which he did.  Nothing happened. It was all just harmless flirting and dancing, because I wanted to talk to my girl beforehand just too clear the air.  This could have been possible if I wasn’t getting the silent treatment—for three days.

After I figured out her silence wasn’t due to stress at work or PMS, I started wondering why there is such a strictly forbidden policy for women to share men. My guy friends have a much more fluid policy on women. Does that mean that they have evolved past the possession games or that women are simply more respectful? Perhaps it is both.   What I mean by that is, if one of your friend’s has a thing for a guy and you do too, why can’t the good old ways of competition be reinstated. Can’t it just be that we can both flirt and go after him, and whoever meshes better wins?

I am not condoning for women to fight over guys, but why the hands-off policy? On to that, where does this end?  So, in five years if I still like him and he still likes me and has no interest in her, are we supposed to do nothing because it breaks the silent but ever present code of conduct? Perhaps she should invest in the single girl’s Bible, He’s Just Not That Into You! My second thought is: Why wasn’t she just honest?  If she is that into him then why not just tell me so—is it a game or a test of friendship? Straight off, if she would have told me that he wasn’t fair game, I would have immediately backed off, but she left it ambiguous and without the special gift of being a psychic how the hell was I supposed to know?

I know a guy is never worth the loss of a friendship but it also doesn’t have to be an either or  So girls, next time you want to kill your friend for crushing on the same guy, flip the situation and think about what it feels like to be on both sides of the fence.

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