Let me first start by saying I really enjoy reading your column, and your keep it really real demeanor.
My story starts out like this. Last spring I moved in with my boyfriend and one of our “good” friends at the time. Everything was fine and dandy until one morning, after about three weeks of living there, he woke us up and asked us to go to the court house because they had a bench warrant out for him over an unpaid speeding ticket. Long story short he didn’t have all the money.
Now, I have loaned him money in the past and he has always paid me back. No problem. But, this time I would’ve known better because his ticket totaled over $800 and he only had $125 of it. So, (like a dummy) I loaned him the rest. And, he agreed that he would pay me back in front of my boyfriend. Well, flash forward about two months and I still ain’t got one red nickel from him.
The catalyst that changed everything was a generic status on Facebook that was about the town that we live in. But, he took it as it being about him because he started to ignore me and lying, and saying that I was cheating on my boyfriend, I’m just an all around nasty person, and he was gonna put me out once he realized that he really had to pay me back.
Well, everything came to a head in August after I found out I was pregnant and was stressed from my job, and the fact that his lying caused my family to look at me different and some of our mutual friends were cursing me out. Like the stress had gotten so bad from it that my hair started falling out and I was already hormonal at the time (which didn’t help.). So, I ended up moving back with my parents and shortly thereafter losing my baby because of the stress.
Now, he still owes me about $300 and he keeps saying that he’s gonna pay me back in front of other people. But, everybody was like I should just forgive him and work it out. But, I keep telling folks I just want my money. I have lost enough life behind all of this madness. Like nobody besides my boyfriend will listen to me about how I feel about the situation, or how it has affected me mentally. They all take his side in this. When I considered him a brother if he needed the shirt off of my back I would’ve given it to him no questions asked. But, my family still looks at me sideways and act like I’m retarded for being hurt, and keep telling me to apologize to him for everything. Like it makes me feel as if they think I deserved it for all of this to happen to me. Am I crazy, or do I have a valid reason to feel the way that I do? – Betrayed
Dear Ms. Betrayed,
It’s your money and you want it now!!! Chile, you better get J.G. Wentworth on his ass! LMBAO!
Honey, let me tell you something. Never, never, never ever loan money to anyone. That is the cardinal rule. Chile, I wish I would loan money out to folks. They don’t know how to pay it back on time. They swear they will pay you back when they get paid at the end of the week or some lame ass time frame based on their pay period. But, when that check comes in they are dodging you like those student loan folks who call your house. They are nowhere to be found.
Loaning money to friends or family members is never a good idea. Honey, it is not worth the stress, aggravation, or friendship or family-ship. Instead of loaning money I do one of two things: 1.) I say to them, “I don’t have it. Sorry, but I can’t help you out.” You see how easy that is. I don’t have to worry about a loan, or having to recover the money. I don’t have it and I’m not giving them anything I don’t have.
2.) If I’m feeling the love and very generous, I will give them the money instead of loaning it to them because I don’t want to have to chase them down trying to collect my money when they are out shopping at the mall buying new clothes, or up in the club buying drinks. Nope. I’m not going to put myself through that stress or drama. So, I lovingly give them the money and let them know that this is the first, and last time. So, don’t come back asking for anything. Therefore, I don’t loan money. And, neither should you. You are not a bank. You are not a credit union.
Think about this, if they got into the situation and are unable to pay the money back do you think if they went to a bank for a loan, do you think the bank will give them money based on their track record? Hell no!! And, if someone has a problem with making payments on a bill, and they can’t pay the outstanding debt they have, then why the hell would you give them money knowing they are not responsible and that’s what got them in their situation in the first place? If they can’t pay their outstanding debts or make the payments, then clearly they will not be able to pay you back.
Your friend, and I use the word loosely, is wrong, trifling, and needs his nuts cracked. You are a good one. I wish I would give someone nearly $600 for a speeding ticket. Do you drive the car? Is your name on the lease? Were you a co-conspirator on the speeding ticket? He got himself into that debt and knew he had speeding ticket for over $800, and this Mo-Fo waited until the last minute and when a bench warrant was issued, and he came to you asking for the money? Chile, he would have sat in jail with Bubba and them. And, I would have told him, “Don’t drop the soap.” I’m sorry, but it was his fault. He got himself into that mess, then his grown ass would have had to pay the consequences for his actions.
And, Diva, he’s not your friend. As you can see, when money is involved between friends, and you they don’t want to pay you back they will make all types of excuses and reasons of why they can’t pay you back. This asshole had the nerve to create a riff between you and your friends and family because he owes you money. Yeah, you need to give him a deadline date of repayment for the remainder of the money. And, you need to write it up as a contract with the amount he owes, why he owes it, and when he has to make the final payment. Have him sign in, a witness sign it, and take it to a notary. If he doesn’t pay you by the contractual due date, then have his ass served with some papers. Sue his narrow ass. Take him to court and let them work it out. Stop trying to be nice, appeasing, and bending over backwards for someone who obviously doesn’t give two damn cents about you, your feelings, or your money. And, remove him from your life. He’s not your friend. He looks at you like an ATM machine and bank. Tell that shady bastard that his account has gone into collections, and the Bank of Save A Broke Ass Punk is no longer in the lending business. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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