I need help with one of my best friends who introduced me to your site.
He is a good friend and my daughter’s godfather. He just doesn’t make the best decisions, especially when it comes to women. We attended college together and worked together for three years, and about six months ago he told me he was leaving and moving to Atlanta with a female friend.
I was happy for him, but at the same time a little concern. See, he is the type of guy that is woman crazy. He falls head over heels for women even if they show no interest in wanting him. The first of the year I get a call from one of our other friends and he began telling me about our mutual friend. Since he has been in Atlanta we talk about every month and he makes it seems that everything is all good and he loves it. He called our friend, however, to borrow money and he told him what was going on and told him the truth about his living conditions.
He takes care of her three kids, his godchildren, baby-sitting, cooking and cleaning, and giving her something on rent every month. But, come to find out he is sleeping on the floor of her three-bedroom apartment. She has an empty room for her two-year old, but since the child sleeps with her, she won’t let my friend have it. Then, she has a young twenty-two year old boyfriend, who is close to moving in also. While my friend is handling chores like a stay-at-home husband, she’s in her room getting the ‘D’ from a younger guy.
I talked to him last week, and he didn’t sound like himself. His tune was of someone defeated and unhappy, not his usual happy joking personality. I tried talking to him, but I think everything I said went in one ear and out the other. He is continuing putting up that front like everything is all right. His voice tells of something different. I know he continues reading your site and I feel hearing advice from you might make him snap into his right mind and get out of that situation before it turns on him. I also have to mention that the job he had covered his medical insurance, and now he has no insurance and has health problems.
His female friend keeps nagging him about getting a better job and giving her more money, while she is living above her means. I feel her new guy will soon want him out of the picture and he’s going to be stuck homeless trying to move back home. I think it is hurting his pride that he doesn’t have a job, and moving back will make him look like a failure. I am close to giving up on him because honestly he is too old to be living like this. We are both in our thirties, I am 31 years old, and married with kids and he is close to 36 years old with no kid. What should I do, let him keep on this path until he hits a brick wall, or help him save himself the pain and misery and admit defeat. – Help my friend out before he is homeless and naked on a corner!
Dear Ms. Help My Friend,
Chile, I say let his dumb ass find out the hard way. I’m all for helping folks, and helping friends, and extending a hand to them, but if they don’t want to listen and they are stubborn or have too much damn pride to admit when –ish ain’t working out, then, unfortunately, sometimes you have to let them hit the brick wall and hit rock bottom so they can see the situation for themselves.
It’s truly sad when a grown ass man who appears to have it all together, smart, educated, and a good head on his shoulders, but is too p****y hungry to know the difference between being used and being taken advantage of. He’s a clown and needs to have his ass clowned!
And, for the record, who the hell moves to another state with someone they barely know, sleeps on the floor, does the household chores like a live-in nanny and maid, and watches as some young tender bangs his girl? Oh, my bad, your friend!
Chile, I am truly thankful for my friends! Thank the Lord! We have a policy with each other that no matter what we will always be brutally honest with each other. We tell each other when we are doing asinine stupid ass –ish. We tell each other the TRUTH, regardless if we want to hear it or not, we don’t bite our tongues, and we don’t hold back. What good is it to have friends who co-sign your bull-ish and watch you go through something and then talk about you behind your back? No ma’am! Not me!
Honey, you’ve done all you can do. You’ve spoken with him, gave him a listening ear, and reached out and have been a friend to him. He is the one that is not opening up and being honest with you about his situation. You are getting the information secondhand. Unfortunately, and until he is ready, he is going to have to wake up and see what’s really real and say to himself, “What the hell am I doing? Why am I, a 36 year old grown ass man sitting up in this woman’s APARTMENT, not house, and sleeping on the floor, giving her money for rent, doing all the chores, baby-sitting, and some other dude is banging her back out? What am I trying to prove? Why is my ego so damn big and I’m too proud to admit that this –ish isn’t working, and I need help?” But, your friend won’t and can’t do that. And, it’s because of his ego and pride.
So, let his ego and pride put him out on the streets. Let his ego and pride ignore his health and realize he has no medical insurance. As a matter of fact, ask him if he can have sex with his ego and pride and if they can fulfill his longing desire to be with someone, feel love, and be wanted?
Your friend is searching for something that you cannot provide him with. He is looking for love. He is looking for someone to want him, desire him, and need him. And, he will put himself in this precarious and F’d up situations because he is driven by his emotions which are clouding his mental capabilities. So, let him learn his lesson, and hopefully he will stop being so damn egotistical, and hard-headed and count his losses. And, let him know you’re still there for him, and will have his back. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Also On HelloBeautiful:
These Are What Beautiful Black Bodies Look Like...
1. Beautiful Black Bodies
Black women come in all shapes, builds and skin tones. We take pride in our curves, six packs and svelte silhouettes. Let's just say, we keep it fierce at all times! In celebrations of our gorgeous, scroll through this gallery of stunning Black celebs showing off their fabulous figures.