Send your questions to Terrance: email@example.com
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I was married in June of this year after being with my fiancé for 5 years. I am bi-racial and he is Hispanic. Ok? The deal is his family doesn’t like me because I’m black. I speak my mind and I don’t take no shit. They go out there way to cause problems. We moved and they tell his baby mama where we are so she can ride by and be messy. Never does she stop and get out because she knows I’ll whoop her ass.
Well, our wedding was ruined. His sisters made a big scene in front of my guests. They said it was their day and not mines. They said he didn’t want to marry me. Well, my wedding wasn’t the princess wedding I wanted, it was a WWF match. I told my husband the preacher said you leave your family and cling to your wife. Am I wrong for telling him if he continues to talk to them I’m gone? – I Married Him And Not His Family
Dear Ms. I Married Him And Not His Family,
Girl, I can see you now rolling your head and neck, waving your finger with the long acrylic nail, your sewn in weave pulled in a pony tail, and your Newport in your left hand. Go on girl! You tell his family. They got some MF’ing nerve causing a ruckus at your wedding, talking about it’s their day. Chile, they better back up, and I mean way the ‘F’ back!
I agree with you in which you stated that the preacher said the husband will have to leave his family and cling to his wife. You are his family now. You’re where his home is. And, his ghetto sisters with the blond highlights, and ill-fitted jeans on need to step back and go get some business. I can only imagine how your wedding day looked with them jumping up and causing a scene, and then your family jumping up. Honey, I know all hell broke loose. I know it did. I get the visual: Hair pulling, fists flying, Spanish slurs being spewed, and Black colloquiums being served. I hope your wedding was at the local Masonic Hall and not up in the church because if it was, then all of y’all are going to hell!
Your husband is going to have to be a man and step up and make the peace between you and his family. Who he loves, and who he’s with should have nothing to do with his family, but chile, you know family always wants to get all up in your business and tell you who you should date, why you shouldn’t date someone, and always instigating bull-ish. I talk about Family Drama in my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND. Yes, you should get it, and buy his family copies of it as well.
Now, what I don’t understand is your angst over his baby momma knowing where you all live, and how you’re going to whoop her ass. Girl, please stop! LMAO! That’s the mother of his child. Why is he ducking and dodging her anyway? He needs to see his child and I hope he’s paying child support. You know what this whole story is a hot ghetto mess. Why am I even being bothered? Ugh. You need to slow your damn roll and encourage your husband to spend time with his child. You knew the situation before you got married, and now you’re trying to come between him and his child because you got beef with his baby momma? Girl, please spit the tobacco out your mouth and stop being a gangsta boo! Again, your husband needs to get his affairs in order and create the environment of how your living situation will be dictated. But, I get that you are running things over there. He’s just riding with the program and letting you, his family, and baby momma duke it out. Is he slow? You should get a psychological evaluation done on him.
Look, Ms. I Married Him And Not His Family, you can’t prevent him from abandoning his family. They will always be in the picture regardless of what you think, say, or do. If you keep nagging him and telling him what to do and how he can’t talk to his own family, uhm, sweetie, he is going to give you the boot before you can bounce. And, why give his family the pleasure of knowing they are getting to you? If every time they get together and they want to bash you, and engage in ghetto street warfare, then let them. You don’t have to lower your standards and get gutter with them. Leave those gutter trifling folks in the gutter. You’ve got to be the bigger woman. You’ve got to step up and let them know they are not going to dictate to you, your household, or your husband, and he has to do the same thing. If you feel you need to walk away, then girl get your gladiator wedged heels and bounce. The truth of the matter is that he is not going to stop communicating with his family. Honey, they are Hispanic. They travel in droves. They don’t abandon one another. Family is the most important thing to them, just like the Black family. Honey, I hope you did your research on the Hispanic culture, just as I hope your husband did his research on Black culture. There is a lot to be learned from both experiences, cultures, and backgrounds. There are certain things they do in the Hispanic community, which are part of their heritage, that we in the Black community do not do, and vice-versa. I feel this is the perfect opportunity to sit down with your husband, express your concerns in a calm and even tone, and don’t act ghetto, loud, and belligerent. Let him know how it makes you feel and why you feel the way you do. I am certain that if you two sat down and communicated with one another, you would be a solid team and nothing could come between you, not even his family. And, I strongly suggest you two get involved with someone’s church or spiritual institution. You’re going to need spiritual counseling and intervention to help you grow as a married couple, and that he understands that as a man, and the head of the family, what he does and how he does it will dictate the outcome of your family situation. Now, go get some Holy water and start praying. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!