10 Ways Black Women Can Practice Self-Care On Valentine's Day
10 Unorthodox Ways Black Women Can Choose Themselves On Valentine’s Day
Black women are at the forefront of a self-care revolution, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. If you’re a Black woman who follows other Black women lifestyle influencers on social media, your timeline has likely been filled with images and reflections of us choosing rest, softness, and intention, and unlearning selfless ways of living that no longer serve us.
These acts are not only lifesaving but revolutionary. In a society that was never designed for Black women to put themselves first, a Black woman prioritizing her well-being and quality of life is a form of resistance. As feminist and poet Audre Lorde so powerfully stated, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
Because we have long been conditioned to put ourselves last or to fight to care for ourselves, many Black women continue to bear the biological burden of chronic stress in ways that show up in our health. Black women in the U.S. experience some of the highest rates of high blood pressure (hypertension), which affects about 58% of Black women age 20 and older, compared with lower rates in other racial groups, and this condition is a major risk factor for heart disease and stroke.
High blood pressure that develops early in life can have serious consequences. According to Heart.org, Black women who develop hypertension before age 35 may have up to triple the risk of a stroke compared with those without it.
And because stress isn’t just an emotional experience but a cumulative biological load, Black women who experience chronic caregiving strain, a frequent reality for many, have been found to have significantly increased risk of developing high blood pressure as well.
If Black women are going to truly heal, we must move beyond performative care and into practices that support our wholeness.
The History Of Black Women And Self-Care
Self-care within Black communities is not new. During the Civil Rights and Black Panther eras, women such as Rosa Parks and Angela Davis practiced yoga, meditation, and intentional rest as tools to restore themselves for the work of liberation. These practices were rooted in survival, sustainability, and collective care.
Today, self-care is often framed as spa days, hair and nail appointments, or luxury travel. While these experiences can absolutely be part of caring for oneself, they only scratch the surface.
The Many Aspects Of Self-Care
True self-care is multifaceted. It extends beyond the physical into the mental, emotional, and spiritual realms. Gathering in community, setting and honoring boundaries, resting (not just sleeping), slowing down, pausing, and nourishing the body with intention should sit alongside hair and nail appointments. Healing requires us to go deeper and to examine how we relate to rest, to pleasure, to community, and to ourselves.
So, this Valentine’s Day, let’s think outside the box when it comes to choosing ourselves. Love does not have to be romanticized or externally validated. Self-care is expansive, layered, and deeply personal. Jump in below to explore 10 unorthodox ways Black women can choose themselves…not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day.
1. Attend A Black Woman-Centered Community Gathering
Instead of centering romantic love, choose collective care. Being in a room with other Black women, sharing laughter, stories, rest, and healing, is a radical act of self-love in a world that often isolates us.
2. Unsubscribe From Emotional Labor For The Day
No explaining. No fixing. No over-giving. Valentine’s Day can be a boundary reset, choosing not to carry what was never yours to hold in the first place.
3. Create A Personal Ritual Instead Of A Romantic One
Light a candle, journal, pray, meditate, pull cards, sit with your ancestors. Let the day be sacred rather than commercial, rooted in intention, not expectation.
4. Take Yourself On A “No Productivity” Date
Not a “run errands and call it self-care” date. A real one. No optimizing. No multitasking. Just pleasure, presence, and rest whether that’s a solo lunch, a museum visit, or sitting by the water doing absolutely nothing.
5. Invest In Body Care That Honors Your Lived Experience
Maintenance such as massage, womb work, somatic therapy, and sound healing all acknowledge and address how Black women hold stress, grief, and resilience in the body.
6. Feed Yourself Beautifully And Without Guilt
Cook a nourishing meal or treat yourself to something tasty, without earning it first. Refrain from using any “cheat day” language. Pleasure is not a reward, it’s your right.
7. Write A Love Letter To The Woman You’ve Survived Into
Honor the version of you that made it through heartbreak, burnout, racism, motherhood, loss, or invisibility. This kind of love is deep, earned, and often overdue.
8. Spend Money In Alignment With Your Values
Support a Black woman–owned business, healer, artist/creator, or choose not to spend at all. Either way, let your choice feel intentional, not pressured by the holiday.
9. Opt Out Of Valentine’s Day Content Altogether
Mute the noise. Log off. Skip the comparisons. Choosing peace over performance is an act of self-preservation.
10. Reclaim Love As Something You Practice, Not Something You Wait For
Self-love isn’t chocolate candies and roses. It’s choosing rest, community, boundaries, softness, and truth over and over again. Let Valentine’s Day be a reminder of that ongoing practice.
