The Holidays are about family, friends, food, and fun. And when you’re at a Black Thanksgiving, there are a lot of things that are bound to happen: Too much food, lots of loud laughter, friendly shade-throwing, and a whole list of interesting characters to deal with. The following are 7 people you will definitely meet at every Black Thanksgiving:
1. Big Momma
All hail big momma. She is the matriarch of the family, and will see to it that the Thanksgiving meal leaves you so full, you’ll barely be able to keep your eyes open half-way through dinner. (Hello post-Thanksgiving meal nap!) No matter what is going on, big momma will make sure that you are fed, and that you leave her dinner happy, albeit regretting that second helping of sweet potato casserole.
2. The Never-Sober Uncle
Uncle Never-Sober is always “on something.” And everyone has been ignoring it for years and says that its his “special medication.” Yeah, right. But you like him just the way he is, and would never dream of a sober version of him at Thanksgiving. Not only does he always have a libation to offer you under the table, he has the craziest stories from his youth. Most of them are most likely not true, but you like listening to them anyway because his imagination deserves an audience.
3. The Unmarried Aunty Who Always Has Relationship Advice
There’s always an aunty who’s never been married who offers single people tips on how to find a spouse, and married people advice on how to keep their spouse married. Everyone is alway side-eyeing everything she says but you just kind of lets her carry on because she is harmless. Nod and smile, nod and smile.
4. The Don Lemon Of The Family
There’s always that one Black person at Thanksgiving who seizes the opportunity to let everyone know just how “new Black” they are. They will never fail to bring up how Black people are the cause of “their own problems” and will do their best to distance themselves from their Blackness while claiming to “love their people.” Everybody has given up on this person. They are only invited out of obligation.
5. The Shady “Cousin” Who Everyone Makes Excuses For
Doesn’t actually have to be related to anyone, but your family has known them for years so they are always at every family event. And the only thing they are good for is taking the heat off anything you do. Because no matter your wrongdoings, you can always point to said-cousin and their shady behavior. The difference is EVERYONE makes an excuse for them, no matter how bad it is. Lame.
6. The Family Gossip
Everyone has a family member that always knows EVERYTHING about everyone. No matter how hard you try to keep your news to yourself, this family member starts asking you about things you had not planned on discussing with your family at Thanksgiving. i.e. You and your significant other thinking go moving to another city. (How do they know?!) On the flip side, they know all the juicy details you want to know about family members too so you try to keep them on your good side.
7. The Non-Black Friend/Boyfriend/Girlfriend Who Is About To Have The Time Of Their Life
Someone always decides to bring their non-Black friend/boyfriend/girlfriend home to experience the craziness that is a Black Thanksgiving. Although you will initially see the apprehension in their eyes, by the time they are heaping on the second serving of sweet potato pie, they know they have several Black Thanksgivings in their future because they’re way too crazy-fun to only experience once!