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Two Women Fighting

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Getty

Healthy competition between sisters is great. It’s when that healthy competition turns into comparison and manipulation that we start getting in our own way of who we are, our relationships and our happiness. Then you know it is time to reflect and make a change. Here are some things we definitely should not be in a contest with other women for:

1. How we look

Stop comparing another woman’s beauty to your own. Many of us believe that it is not enough to be beautiful; we have to be “more beautiful than…” Recently I made the firm decision to not see myself through the eyes of a socially constructed version of beauty anymore; things that were made to please other people. It’s the most empowering decision I get to make every day and it has made me see myself and other women in a different light.

2. Relationships

Relationships seem to have become some sort of competition. Maybe it’s social media? Whose significant other did what, who is getting married when, etc. It’s really tiresome to compare the superficial picture of someone’s relationship to your own. You don’t really know what goes on behind someone else’s closed doors unless they tell you. So whenever you get the urge to look at someone else’s grass, look at your own and water it.

3. Possessions

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your “stuff” to someone else’s and defining yourself as well as other people, by the superficiality of life. It’s easy to look at another woman’s designer shoes, perfectly decorated apartment or latest car and think, “Why not me?” Ask yourself, “Do I even want these things?” and realize that you don’t know the sacrifices people make to have what they have.

4. Friendship

This one is a little weird but there seems to be this low-key contest that we can have from time to time about who is “better friends” with whom, who is better connected, or even silly titles like who is more of the “guy’s girl.” As a girl who grew up with three brothers, I can tell you that the latter makes guys laugh out loud because they can see when a girl is trying too hard to be one of the boys. As for the others, it’s a bit childish to still be in the business of popularity contests in adulthood. Let’s leave this part of our childhood behind.

5. Success

It seems that everyone, and not just women, are inclined to compete in adulthood about who is getting to the top–whatever that even means. Success is not a particular thing, it should mean something to different to you than to someone else. Don’t let other people deceive you into thinking that you want things that you don’t simply because they have them. Be happy for other people when they succeed but be sure to make your own rules about what success means to you.

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