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Sex. Just reading that word takes your mind into a million places, doesn’t it? If you’re like me, then your thoughts settle onto your go-to fantasy. And our fantasies always paint us as the ultimate lover. There’s never any undressing struggles, no awkward queefs or pesky charlie horses to ruin the mood. But what if I told you that you don’t have to rely on your fantasies in order to be the ultimate lover?

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Yes, there are sex tips that work. After speaking with Colin Christopher, author and clinical hypnotherapist, who helps couples maintain the spark in their bedrooms. Check out these simple, but effective tips in making you and yours better lovers:

1.  Stop focusing on sex: The problem might not be physical, but rather a lack of an emotional connection. Engage in activities that focus on building up the emotional bond. Sex was so good in the beginning of your relationship because the emotional connection was so strong.

2. Do something wild together: Ride a rollercoaster with your partner, go skydiving or bungee jumping. The excitement and adrenaline rush will get you hot for each other.

3. Not just another date night: If your usual date night consists of a movie and dinner, been there done that. Take her back to where the two of you met and tell her how much you love her. Take her back to where you proposed and ask her to marry you again. Go to the local carnival and act like two teenagers in love.

4. Sex is not a sprint but a marathon: In our busy lives, sex is often put low down on the list of priorities and when many couples get to it, it’s over as fast as it began. Take your time and make it last. Try going at a slower pace and really build up to an explosive climax.

5. Utilize technology: Send your partner a sexy email while he’s at work. Engage in sexting your partner if no one else is around. Just pick up the phone and call him for no reason.

6. Forget about technology: Social media and smartphones have made it more difficult for people to connect on an emotional level. Write a good old-fashion letter to your partner telling her how much you love her, how sexy she is and how you plan to seduce her tonight.

7. Spice it up: Sex isn’t just for the bedroom. Find other places in the house to have sex, do it in the car or a backyard, role play, experiment with sex toys and new positions. Just make it fun and exciting.

8. Focus on foreplay: There’s a reason to engage in foreplay: It stimulates both partners’ sexuality, lowers inhibitions and increases emotional intimacy.

9. Relax: Being relaxed leads to a stronger erection for men and increased sensations for women. Never put expectations on sex, just go with the flow and let it happen. Massage and tickle each other leading up to sex to lighten the mood.

10. Tell him what you really want: Be honest and tell each other what you like, what works and what doesn’t, new positions or techniques you want to try. This level of sexual awareness will take your emotional and sexual relationships to new heights.

Colin Christopher, a clinical hypnotherapist certified by the American Council of Hypnotist Examiners, and author of Success Through Manipulation, works with many couples looking to heat things up in the bedroom again.

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