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couple-upsetI am not certain about all engaged couples, but I can tell you something about this engaged couple: The wedding was almost postponed and also almost cancelled.

We went through a very rough patch y’all, and I am going to tell you the truth. As previously mentioned, my fiancé took a position out of town and we had a long distance relationship. We did mutually decide that we did not want to live in the new city for several reasons, so we started to set our sights back on New York City. It was maybe about two months before the wedding and all deposits had been made on the venue, catering, photographer, wedding dress, etc. We were going full steam ahead and then my fiancé started tripping.

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His assignment at the new job ended a couple of months early. They knew he was moving back to NYC, so they just paid him a lump sum for the work he would be doing for the remaining months. Though he got paid upfront for the work, the realization that he did not know what was next kind of freaked him out. Like I previously mentioned, my fiancé is a hard worker. His entire being and existence is centered around him being able to provide. He has had a job since he was 13 and the one year he was laid off due to the recession was by far one of the most challenging years of our relationship. So here he was again, not really knowing what job would be for him in NYC once he returned and that fear threw the biggest monkey wrench into our engagement.

For a period of about two to three weeks, we were having very difficult conversations. With work uncertainty looming, he started to question everything. Are we making the right decision about settling in NYC? Why are we even looking for an apartment and we don’t know where our next check is coming from? Even though the wedding was paid for, he also started to question whether or not we should postpone the wedding. I was hurt.

I knew him well enough to know that all of these fears were initiated from the uncertainty of work and finances and not out of him questioning whether or not he wanted to be with me or marry me. I knew he wanted to marry me, but the fear of not being able to provide as a married man really did a number on him.

While in NYC one week for a visit, he received some unfavorable news from his father which furthered my fiancé’s descent into “tripping the f*&k out.” It is very difficult to be the strong one, be the recipient of emotional regurgitation and continue to love. It is difficult when you see your loved one in pain and the only thing you can do for them is to just sit there. Sit there in silence, but sit there next to them so they know no matter what, you are there for them and everything is going to be okay.

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At one point during his visit, my fiancé emphatically stated that we should postpone the wedding. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I told him if we postponed it, then we may as well cancel it. I had so many emotions stirring in me as well and now I felt like things were just getting out of hand. Yeah, I got that he was scared about job prospects, I got that he was upset with his father and I got that entering into a marriage is stressful as well, but we don’t run. I had my own fears as well, but I had to be the strong one.

We decided to take a few days. I had to go out of town with a client and he decided to travel upstate to get away from everything and just think and be by himself. I had to accept the likelihood that after us taking some time to think, we may be calling our wedding off two months before it was supposed to take place. This was not easy.

My fiancé ended up calling me while I was still out of town. He told me that the time to himself away from his family, away from work issues, away from me and away from wedding planning was needed and beneficial. He told me loved me, that he wanted to marry me and that, together, we will figure everything out.

I later shared my worries about calling the wedding off with one of my girlfriends who had just recently got married. She informed me that this was totally normal and that she and many of her friends faced the same thing before their weddings. Though it may have been caused by different triggers, she told me that wedding planning is stressful and is like pledging, but once you make it through it was is well worth it and the waters are calm on the other side.

We made it through that difficult period, and now the wedding is upon us. Most importantly though, we made a mutual decision, together, despite everything we had going against us to fight for the marriage before it started…together.

About the Author: She holds multiple degrees, is a natural born socialite, a business owner, an extreme exerciser of faith and a realist. After 3 years of dating and a year of being engaged, she is ready to tell the truth about what to expect when you are transitioning from being a single woman with no worries to a future wife. For the sake of these articles, let’s just call her Nina. After all, that was here “Club Name” for over 15 years….so yeah, introducing Nina.

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