When I would hear the word intimacy I used to think about fluffy duvets, a glazed doughnut look in the eyes, and morning sex. I made the assumption that intimacy was purely a physical act that involved getting close and sensual as opposed to down and dirty. I was partly right, true physical intimacy is the result of emotional intimacy which is based upon trust, connectedness, and openness.
What scary words: Trust, connect, and open. It leaves no room for having the last word, social media stalking and thinking that they are all the same. In fact the games, and the need to win or be safe disappears altogether when you are truly intimate with someone.
In as recent post I briefly discussed 3 ways women repel men without realizing it and one of the ways was by being too closed emotionally. This includes: giving silent treatment, having very high expectations for anyone you date, and often avoiding “deep’ conversation matter and telling whole truths. By deep I do not mean an hour long monologue of how you are this perfect woman and all the men in your life have done you wrong, or about your extensive knowledge of the stock markets. I mean deep as in expressing your wants, needs, desires, and fears without feeling threatened that the person on the other end may judge or abandon you.
Can someone learn to be intimate when they have been hurt many times? Most definitely! I know this because everyone has most likely formed a non-romantic intimate relationship with at least one person in their lifetime. This person may be a friend, a parent, relative or even a teacher. You trust them, do not hold them to these unfair expectations and you can be your authentic self around them. The trick is to now apply the same principles to everyone you meet,keeping in mind that you may not receive it back.
If you know that being open or truthful about who you are is something you want to work at, cool, I’m also on the same path! Here are some tips that have helped me become more intimate in my relationship:
- Leave important and feeling-based conversations strictly for phone calls & in-person dates: When I need to discuss my feelings about a particular issue that is bothering me, I try my best to leave it for a phone conversation or in-person date. Why? Text messages can twist what feelings or points you are trying to communicate. We tend to be more bold and ruthless behind a keyboard. Intimacy is not just about expressing oneself it’s also about connecting with the other person’s perspective and experience.
- Share your inglorious stories: We don’t feel comfortable opening up to people who are unable to relate to us and how better to relate than to share a story of when you messed up royally. If you are judged upon said story, well then you know you are unable to form a bond with that person, you will never know unless you open up. To be honest is to be safe. When we are honest we make it safe for others to be honest as well. As women we often get caught up in the beginning stages of dating trying to be these perfect domestic or model-citizen creatures when we are simply human, so act like one.
- Make the first move: I use to have this hang up, I would only kiss a man when it was time to greet, leave or you know *creepy wink*. All while having this hang up, I secretly wanted to give and receive spontaneous kisses. Why had my life become so mechanical and what was holding me back?! Instead of figuring out why I just did it, I would give kisses when I felt like it, I rub his chest, head and arms. I started to trust and be open. Of course this has to be reciprocated; make sure this is reciprocated please. This light form of intimacy can often lead to a better result in the sheets because you’re constantly stimulating each other with a shot of passion here and there.
If you don’t have anyone to practice being intimate with, be intimate with yourself. Get your Snow White on and look at your body in the mirror, appreciate that you have a strong body that is capable of withstanding illness disease and judgment. Journal your inglorious stories or share them with others who are great listeners. Speak kind words to yourself. Believe me; if you are incapable of being intimate with yourself or deem it silly and unnecessary guess what? As you think, so will you attract.
Could you be sabotaging your chances at love? My popular 8-week Relationship Vision workshop is starting up in a few weeks(Last week in January). Learn how to create a vision board to attract a mate, get a Goddess Intellect relationship profile to see if you could be repelling men without realizing it, learn how to let go of the past with the Goddess Intellect release ritual and much more, check out all the details here or email me: firstname.lastname@example.org.