Before you jump to conclusions because of my post title- HALT! Before your mind goes assuming please allow me to clear something up. The following post does not apply to anyone in a committed relationship…you can breathe now. This is for my people who are still swimming upstream in the dating world, the ones who may have recently started seeing someone new, or those who are not quite sure about who and what they want yet.
I’ve received a few letters from women who are feeling burdened with guilt because the person they’ve decided to laser focus on was not enough to keep their eyes from straying to another who they ultimately ended up becoming bed buddies with. We label these women as hoes, if word gets out, she also considers in her head accepting this label as she beats herself up internally. The night after the incident the sister goes into a panic and maybe she divulges the info to one of her girlfriends but her friend is no help because she is secretly judging too.
Before you join in on the name calling and eye rolling, I must reveal one thing, the women who are busy making themselves sick with guilt answered NO to the following questions: Is this my boyfriend I’m “cheating on”? Are we committed to each other? Am I being honest about what stage I’m at in my love life?
These questions then foster another, is it cheating if you’re both not committed? Let’s not pussyfoot around the issue, it’s cheating if you can’t bring it up in a casual convo without inducing an emotional reaction, however the guilt trip- is it necessary?
I think a lot of us have the whole dating game backward, and as a result we end up upper cutting ourselves more than we have to.
Ladies, there is nothing wrong with letting anyone you plan on seeing in the near future that you are casually dating multiple partners with the intention to settle down or not (we all don’t want the same things in life). Let the other person have the free will to decide if they want to mess with you, it’s only fair and ma’am you will be surprised with who rocks with you and who does not.
Now I don’t necessarily suggest that you date multiple partners and have sex with them, but that’s me personally. I remember a time in my dating life where I was just dating just to meet people and not to get chose or to have a bed buddy- Can I tell you how that was the most liberating feeling EVER? That’s the real meaning of no-strings attached.
Where does this idea come from that women are to only keep one dude on the roster, while in dating mode? Would it hurt to date more and sex less? Yes, this coming from someone who has more sexual fantasies a day than the average person but I mean it. If you’re in a point in your love life that you are not yet ready for a commitment, do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself and others and do you. I think that when we tie ourselves down to a situation when we are not ready we begin to sneak around and cheat. If you’re not meeting the list of criteria in this previous article and those concepts look fuzzy to you, take your time and date- Cherish this time of self-discovery, it’s precious.
Committed or not, is cheating justified? Do you agree with the concept of dating more and sexing less? Why or why not?
Would you be open to dating someone who revealed that they were also seeing others (sexually or non-sexual)?
Author Note: Next Month (late-January) I start up my newly revamped 8-week Relationship Vision Group Workshop. If you’re new to my world, the Relationship Vision Workshop is a group coaching course that is private and interactive. Each week we meet to discuss topics like: Independent women & love (new!), establishing boundaries & reinforcing them, getting emotional needs met without coming across as needy, overcoming fears & active forgiveness. In addition to the group sessions each participant receives 2 60-minute private coaching sessions. Bonus: You receive free reference books. Group coaching is great for people who are open-minded, love to share, love to journal, and who benefit from receiving support from listening to others experiences. In the spirit of season I am offering a special gift to Hello Beautiful readers: Click here to find out more.