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Why Are You Supposed To Bring To A Relationship

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A question from a Facebook friend on my timeline caught my attention the other day. I could not get it out of my head, so naturally I started to do what I always do to express myself; blog about it.

You ever ask yourself “What do I bring to a relationship?” Which begs the bigger question: What the hell are you supposed to bring to a relationship? ~J.M

I thought it was such a brilliant question because we hear all this talk about “it’s all about what you have to bring to the table,” or “what do you have to offer?” but no one talks about what that looks like. One reason is because everyone’s needs and desires are different. Another reason is because most of us haven’t quite figured out what we want; and if you had a mini panic attack just now after reading that, hakuna matata my dear, it’s quite alright to not yet know.

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Some of us go through life with a blueprint that was created for us from conception and we stick to it, some of us glance at the blueprint every once in awhile and then proceed make other plans. Whatever the case may be, the last thing you want to do is work against yourself.

So to answer J.M’s question- What the heck are you supposed to bring to a relationship?

A simple answer would be to “bring your lovely self,” “good credit” or “magical hands.” But in all seriousness, I feel that many relationships lack the basics. When the heat of the body-rocking-skin-slapping-fluid-swapping is over for the hour or so that you’re engaged in it, there has got to be a solid foundation with the following ingredients:

  • R-E-S-P-E-C-T: *sings* Find out what it means to me! Respect is the glue that holds the tracks of love together. Respect means that your actions and words hold the other person in high esteem. You ride with them and value their opinions. This does not mean you have to agree with every move they make, but you will never allow anyone externally to speak ill about that person.
  • Consideration: This is one of those works in progress; it will never be perfect as we all have selfish moments here and there, but when consideration is reciprocated, it’s a good feeling. Being considerate in a relationship means respecting the other person’s time, doing things or favors without being asked.
  • Honesty: You could be boo’d up and still be sleeping with your enemy, which some can admit to. What kind of living is that? Knowing that the person who is supposed to be your partner in crime is actually the ring leader of lies cannot be a good feeling. If you bring anything or ask for anything in return, honesty should be on the list. This goes both ways, honesty sometimes hurts but it builds character and allows the other party the freedom to decide what their next move will be.
  • Selflessness: One big mistake students at Heartbreak High often make is playing it too safe. We mentally twist the “play hard to get” concept into “hard to get to know” and this turns people off. When we cannot see beyond the exterior into a person’s soul, it’s hard to develop a bond with them. Open yourself up to the possibility of a loving relationship by setting aside selfish agendas. This means opening up to someone who genuinely wants to build with you. This is probably one of the most difficult concepts to grasp when you’ve suffered a lot of hurt and betrayal; but it’s possible no matter what you’ve experienced in your young life. I promise.

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Of course you will have your own wish list of attributes and preferences for the It Factor the lucky man or woman must have in order to win your heart, but let me tell you right now–when that special person sashays into your universe, your list will become obsolete and irrelevant. It will have been like the school supply list they give you at the beginning of the year in grade school– you end up needing more of some things and less of others, “I only used my compass once dammit!”

Ok so the floor is open, what do you bring to a relationship or what do you want out of a relationship? Have you come close? Why or why not?

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