Is it just me, or have you noticed it too? It seems like guys who are just okay have the longest checklist of dating criteria when it comes to their ideal woman. And I’m not talking about men who may just be average-looking but make up for their looks in other areas like career, sense of humor or an X-factor type swag. I’m talking about those who are just mediocre all the way around.
My girl Shannon just moved to New York from L.A. and had a housewarming party. I rolled out to her event solo, and when I arrived I didn’t know any of her other guests except for one of my girlfriends who was leaving to handle motherhood duties as I was arriving. Being the chatter box I am (especially after a few Sangrias), I mingled and made my way around her apartment, chalking it up with whichever stranger was closest.
As I took a break to head to the kitchen and refill my glass, I was greeted by three gentlemen who were doing the same. They asked me my name, I politely did the same, and we exchanged in small talk and jokes. One of them seemed a bit flirty, but you know how we girls play dumb and act extra friendly when we’re not interested? I pulled one of those and made a swift exit back to the living room, Sangria in tow. When her little shindig came to close, I stayed behind because she and I had after plans to hit up a nearby club.
The same three guys I briefly conversed with earlier in the evening were the last to leave. As Shannon and I were cleaning up, one of the guys, Marcus, complained to her about the lack of “attractive” women at her party; the other two, of course, co-signed. They each agreed that there were only four decent-looking girls in attendance, one of which was off the market, and another was stuck up—translation: a nice girl who just didn’t entertain any of them.
I interjected and start naming off quite a few others who I had met and thought were very beautiful. Each time I asked, “Well what about so-and-so? She was cute,” they just responded with an “Ehhh…” or perplexed face or other gesture implying that my suggestion wasn’t up to par. Shannon (seriously) joked and said, “OMG! Y’all are so picky and your standards are unrealistic.”
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To get an idea of what exactly would have been good enough for them, I scrolled down Instagram, picking their brains about girls who I just knew would make their list: “What about her?” “Her?” “Okay, now I know you think she’s cute.” Out of the 10 or so I showed them, they only agreed with me on three.
Because I didn’t know this crew of gentlemen, I was curious to find out why exactly they’re physical standards for women were so high. None of them were male model material, actually far from it, so I just assumed they had to have these bigwig jobs in corporate America or maybe the entertainment industry.
Out of curiosity I asked, “So what do you guys do?” Turns out that Marcus is a PE teacher, Roy is a student getting his Master’s in Human Resources and Tray is a security guard for a retail store in Manhattan. It’s always a positive thing when young men are employed and/or in school. However, to demand a Halle Berry when your salary hasn’t hit the six figure mark yet, your dress game is basic and your personality is only tolerable in small doses, is beyond unrealistic.
Before the three amigos bounced, Tray asked for my number and instead of my usual “Oh, I have a boyfriend” lie to spare male pride, I just gave him a quick, monotone “No” out of irritation.
Though confused, I wasn’t at all surprised because I’ve seen this type of thing go down before. For whatever reason, men have this innate sense of entitlement to all things fine, including women—even when they don’t reflect their own demands. Often, they’re quick to call a woman out on her mediocrity, but have very little themselves to offer. As annoying as it may be, I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s just how they are and things probably won’t change.
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