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Email your questions to Your Gay Best Friend at: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’m in a relationship with this guy. We’ve been together for 6 years. Living together for a year. My problem is we were both married up until May. That’s when I got my divorce. We were supposed to be getting divorces at the same time. I did, however, he didn’t. Every time I bring the subject up it’s an argument and I’m wrong. I’m thinking about just picking up and leaving. I’m 45-years old and I feel like I’m wasting my time. But, 6 years is a lot of time invested. Should I pick up and leave? – Tired Of Waiting

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Dear Ms. Tired Of Waiting,

WOW! I don’t know what’s worse; the fact that you two were married to other people yet you’re living together, or the fact that you’ve been with him for 6 years, which means the both of you were cheating on your spouses and having an affair. SMDH!!

And, the fact that you wrote this letter with such indignation as if he owes you something is truly sad.

If you don’t have any respect for yourself, and you are willing to live with a man who is married, then why do you think he will ever leave his wife? You get what you got. If you were willing to shack up with a married man, and then think you deserve to be married to him because you left your husband, yet, he hasn’t gotten a divorce from his wife, then you clearly don’t have a clue.

Ma’am, you are with someone else’s husband. Plain and simple. Come on now. You’ve got to be smarter than this at 45-years of age. I swear that some of you are not dealing with a full deck. The desperation some of you women exhibit is just sad.

But, let’s deal with the facts. 1.) He is married. I don’t care how long you’ve been ‘together.’ The man is married, and so were you. There is a lesson you need to learn, but you won’t get it because you’re so busy chasing a married man that you cannot see that you’re a part of the problem. 2.) You moved in with a married man, and have been living together for a year. You were already playing house, and giving him the benefits of being a wife. Does that make any type of sense to you? 3.) Every time you bring up the subject of him getting a divorce an argument ensues. Really? Hmmm, I wonder why. Maybe perhaps he’s not ready to get a divorce. Maybe there is something he is holding on to with his wife. Maybe there is something he is not telling you. Remember, it’s not what people tell, it’s what they show you.

So, are you wasting your time? Ma’am the day you started the affair you were wasting your time. And, you have the audacity and gall to say that you have invested 6 years into this ‘relationship.’ WOW! Invested? Really? You’ve invested 6 years into a relationship with a married man, and you were married as well. Sweetie, how can you withdraw or even get interest on a 6 year relationship when he wasn’t your man from the beginning? You’ve put 6 years into a relationship that clearly was never, will never, and cannot go anywhere but bad.

It’s time to work on you. Get you some self-esteem. Cleanse your spirit, your soul, and your mind. Figure out why you felt the need to cheat on your spouse. Figure out why you attracted a married man, and why you dealt with this man for 6 years and nothing has come of it. Figure out why you feel the need to get married to this man who is consistently showing you who he is, yet you are determined to be with him. When you get those things in order, then you will be able to walk away. But, until then, no matter what you do you will always hold on to him emotionally, mentally, and physically because you have tied yourself to him. I do hope you will wake up and begin the work on you, and learn the value of yourself. Please know that it is not tied to a man, and it clearly is not tied to him. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click, HERE!



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