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Email your questions to Your Gay Best Friend at: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have a dilemma. I hate to go out with my girlfriend because she seems to attract all the men. I get hit on too but not the men I am attracted to and not as much

My friend and I are the exact opposite. I’m a giver, I like to be submissive, and I don’t think every man is a dog or a liar. I am independent but I don’t hold that over anyone’s head. My friend on the other hand is always talking about men, calling them whores and liars (to their face). She has no respect for anyone and yet men are more attracted to her!!! I can’t understand this. When we go out she normally get the good guys, the cute guys, etc. She is very cute herself and light skinned. I’m cute as well but not as cute and I’m a darkie. I think this play a big role in it as well

I love her to death and I don’t hold this against her at all. But I can’t understand why men go for looks only and not the personality. Help me not feel like the ugly duckling when we go out. Sincerely – 3rd  Wheel

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Dear Ms. 3rd Wheel,

Do you hear that? It’s me letting out a long deep sigh.

So, I’m supposed to feel sorry for you and play into this pity party with you? Chile, puhlease. You got the wrong one on the wrong day. I’m sorry, but as you, and everyone know, I don’t do pity parties. I don’t feel sorry for your melodrama of, “My friend is pretty. She attracts all the good and cute guys. She’s light skinned and I’m dark skinned.” Girl, miss me, please, miss me.

Your complexion has nothing to do with it. Why are we having this discussion about skin color and it’s the 21st century? Are you people still stuck on color in the Black community of light skin versus dark skin? Haven’t we gotten past this conversation? Ugh!!!

You’ve stated it yourself, and I’m going to say this for you slow and mentally challenged people one more time. If you feel and think you are ugly, unattractive, and undesirable then guess what? So does everyone else.

Girl, get some self-esteem, and some motivation (in my Kelly Rowland voice). That song is cold, isn’t it? Oh, wait. She’s a dark-skin girl who is doing the damn thing. Well, hot damn. And, she made a song about getting some motivation.

I don’t have time for this banter of feeling unpretty (in my TLC voice). Please stop it! And, please start encouraging yourself. Give yourself some daily mantras and affirmations to tell yourself each day. “I’m pretty. I’m attractive and men are attracted to me. I am loved, and lovable. I am desirable. I deserve greatness and goodness that the universe has in store for me.” Also, stop sitting on the sideline pouting and acting shy. Men are not attracted to the pouty girl in the corner with the gas face. And, when jealous rears it’s ugly head everyone can see the green envy coated all over your face. Yes, whatever you feel on the inside will be displayed in your countenance. (Look it up. I don’t have time to explain it). And, if you feel like a 3rd wheel with your friend, and she’s stealing the shine, why don’t you go out alone, or with other friends. Stop competing with your friend, and thinking it’s a competition. If you feel competitive with your friend, then guess what sweetie, she is not your friend! BOOM! BAM! POW! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click, HERE!



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