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Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am writing to discuss a recent relationship issue. About 18 years ago while I was in college, I met a man who was stationed at a nearby Army base. We dated for over a year then he broke up with me unexpectedly. About 2 years after we broke up I had moved to another state for graduate school. He tracked me down through my mom. The year was 1994. We reconnected for a few weeks then he dropped out of my life again.

In 2010, I get a friend request on Facebook from him. Between 1994 and 2010, I had a lot of thoughts about him as well as questions and still feelings. We started talking again and continued feelings were expressed by both of us. Although we were in 2 different states we talked about getting back together and trying to make it work. On 2 separate occasions in 2010, we made plans for me to come go to North Carolina to see him. Before each occasion, he would abruptly stop communicating with me, which meant the meeting never took place.

A few days/weeks later, he would contact me again saying that he was scared but still wanted it to work. In September 2011, he moved from North Carolina to live with me. I have 2 kids as well as a niece and her husband that live with me. He had issues with my niece’s husband being lazy and loud. Things were going well with us (so I thought) until abruptly in February he told me that he could not deal with it anymore. He told me that our relationship was great but the situation with my niece and her husband was unbearable. So, he moved back to North Carolina.

After the move, we were still communicating daily. We talked about him coming back to live with me once my niece was no longer there. He wanted me to give them a deadline about having jobs and getting their own place. I was cool with that because it needed to be done anyway. In April, he had to go to a job training in Seattle.  Since that time, I have barely heard from him. There has been no further talk of him moving back. I am wondering am I stupid for believing in him in the first place. Is there a way to know if he is being honest or just playing games? –Feeling Stupid In MD

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Dear Ms. Feeling Stupid In MD,

Yes, you are stupid for believing him. Yes, there is way to know if he is being honest and playing games. He’s been doing it for over 18 years!!! HELLO! Wake your a** up and stop being the dumb stupid college girl you were 18 years ago.

The man clearly has not changed. He has been consistent in one thing, and one thing only. HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.  What game is this that you two have going on? And, why do you keep playing it? SMDH!

The man comes in your life, disappears, then comes back, disappears, then comes back, and disappears again. You don’t see this pattern? Chile, stop playing this back and forth with this man. He is not the one for you. You are nothing but an in between piece of a** for him. He has other women he is doing the same thing with. Trust me when I tell you this.

You have too much to be worried about other than some man who is still a little a** boy and refuses to grow up. The hell is he talking about he is scared, and nervous. Man, grow a damn pair and get some bass in your voice. He is doing only what you will allow him to do. Stop letting him back into your life. Stop allowing him access. Stop being his doormat. Girl, you can’t possibly be that thirsty for some d**k!

You are taking care of your own children, and have your niece and her husband in your home. That is too many damn people! I agree that you should give your niece and her husband a deadline to move out. Stop letting people use you. You are not Ms. Save-The-World! Save your damn self. So, let them know they have 60 days to find a job, and a place to live. They have worn out their welcome and it’s time for them to get on their feet and do for themselves. And, stop letting that damn fool in your life. Delete him from your life. Change your number, block his emails, and block him on Facebook. I don’t care how much he tries to re-enter your life, and seeks you out, and want to reconnect. He is not going to change. He is not going to be the man you want or need. Once you eliminate your niece, her husband, and that man out of your life you will open the door for a good, kind, loving, and available man to enter. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click, HERE!



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