A few weeks ago I attended an event called The Conversation Party hosted by a fellow Torontonian friend and shy people advocate *fist pump* Fiana Andrews of Approach2Link. We discussed tips on approaching and being approached by the opposite sex, an seemingly elementary topic for a seasoned dater. Guests from a plethora of relationship stages from single to newly wed engaged in a few entertaining hours’ worth of conversation and believe it or not, we all had questions.
One topic that I found particularly interesting was the dreaded conversation, girllll you know the one! The one you inherently know the answer to inside, but ask in hopes that you will get a Disney musical confetti type response- Where is this going?
We (usually women) ask this question when the natural iced layer around our hearts have melted or when we finally get over the honeymoon phase of the relationship and realize that our pimpin’ days are over OR… I’m not finished yet- We ask this question when we’ve chosen to ignore the reality of “we’re just chillin” or “I’m not ready for a relationship” in hopes for a change of heart.
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One of the attendees brought up a very valid point–if you have to ask there probably is a lack of communication within the relationship.
I feel that it’s usually us (women) who want this clarification before dedicating ourselves to this person on a relationship front, not always, but nine times out of ten it’s ALL us. Whether you are a man or a woman seeking relationship validation of any sort I have 3 things that I swear by:
- Intentions Are NOT Rocket Science: If you’re a man/woman’s significant other or on your way there, they will have made it known several times before the actual discussion is had. This is done verbally or by the type of interaction you have with each other. Some people like myself are good at ignoring these subtleties because I was hoping to be a pimp forever but I see you
- Stop Validating To Impress Friends: Our friends sometimes help to intensify the level of aggravation within these types of conversations because they so desperately want to know about our relationship status. Sometimes we need to tell our friends to give us space. If you generally want to discuss where your relationship is headed do so for your own clarification not to satisfy someone else’s curiosity. Maybe your relationship is still fresh out the box and you’re still unsure about it yourself.
- Don’t Press On The Gas Too Hard: So you’ve found out your answer, maybe it’s “nah we’re just better a friends”, “you’re my girl you already know this”, or “This is moving too fast.” Lovely. For those who know they’re in a good space to move forward remember the foundation of your relationship and build from there. No need to mount the pressure for rings, parental meetings, and all that technical stuff. If it doesn’t flow or feel right now, it never will- trust the process, trust the journey and for God sakes ENJOY IT!
Lastly, consider the person on the other end when having this conversation because if the relationship moves forward you will need to take into consideration this person’s feelings a lot more than your single behind would. Don’t dump a truckload of your insecurities into his lap, keep the conversation light and fun. Ask him and actually listen to how he feels about you.
Ok well I’m out of this…Beauties, is the dreaded conversation is it really that bad? When is the perfect time to validate a relationship? Do you have any advice for those still on the fence about asking?
Do you find these conversations usually take a turn for the worse?
Registration closes in a few days but you might want to save your spot in August’s online Relationship Vision Group Workshop
As a group we will discuss how to:
* Overcome commitment phobia
* Break unhealthy relationship patterns
* Meet your unique emotional needs without coming across as thirsty
* Earn respect you deserve in your relationships by reinforcing your personal boundaries
The best part…..you can choose to remain 110% ANONYMOUS!
Interested? —> email: firstname.lastname@example.org
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