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Dear Gay Best Friend,

I really need your help before I up and walk away from my man. I’ve been dating this one guy for 15 months and I’m tired of feeling hurt and left out. He can come to my place and hang out with me, but I can’t go to his place because he doesn’t want to cause any problems with his kid’s mom. She wants him back, but he doesn’t want her because of what she did and what she doesn’t want to do.

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I do love him, but I’m at the end of trying to make this relationship work by myself. If you’re in a relationship and it’s going good, then what’s wrong with me meeting his family? He sees his mother every day. His brothers live out of town, and his father he doesn’t care too much for him. He’s been talking about getting marry and buying a house for us because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I want the same. But, what I don’t understand is why would you want to marry someone that you won’t let me meet your family? He’s met mine and I never been to his place because he doesn’t want his kids mother to start anything with me. I’m grown and can handle myself.

He told me last week that he let his mother move in with him, and it hurt me because I’ve never been to his place nor met his mother. Am I wrong for telling him that it’s not right for her to move in when I have never been there or met her? Now, he wants me to come over, but I won’t go because he’s had plenty of time for me to meet her and see his place. I am a good woman to him. I’ve done more than my fair share to keep to us going. I’ve never asked him for money or to pay my bills. I’ve helped him a lot because he doesn’t have much money. I feel like I’ve been the man and he’s the woman. I know that I have been to damn good to him and more understanding to him and his problems.

Where do I fit in? Was I wrong for telling him that his mother will always be there, but I am a guarantee! Momma’s boy needs to get a back bone and do what’s right because I will walk out for good! I’m hurting over this. – Confused By Momma’s Boy

Dear Ms. Confused By Momma’s Boy,

Girl, let that man go and move on with your life. He is a boy. He is not a man. He has two women controlling his life – his ex-girlfriend and his momma. They both are babying him and coddling him. UGH! I can’t stand grown ass men who act like little ass boys letting women take care of them. And, here you come doing the very same thing. You’re taking care of him, you’re keeping the relationship going, and you’ve helped him a lot because he doesn’t have money. And, like you said, “You’re the man and he’s the woman.” Stop it, now! Stop allowing yourself to be used, and to be taken advantage of!

Please wake your sleepy ass up and get out of that relationship. He is not going to change, won’t change, and never going to change. You mean to tell me that after 15 months you’ve never been to his house, or met his kids because he doesn’t want to cause any trouble with the kid’s mother? So, does she live there? Does she pay the bills and the rent? Why can’t you go to his house? That –ish doesn’t make any sense. How can she dictate and control what goes on in his house? Not unless she is living there with him. And, I truly believe that they are still together, and getting it in. You cannot be that naïve and dumb. Please tell me that you’re not that silly. Then on top of it all, he hasn’t taken you to meet his mother, yet, he’s met your family? Uhm, sweetie, I hate to break this to you, but any man who’s been dating a woman that long and you’ve never met any of his family members, or friends, then he doesn’t think of you as someone he will be serious with.

He is blowing smoke up your ass, and you’re bending over and allowing him to do it. This man is telling you that he is going to marry you and buy you a house. Uhm, Do-Do brains, where is he getting this money from? How can he buy you house and he can barely take care of himself? Hell, it’s going to be you, his ex, his kids, and his momma all living in that damn house. So, sit your dumbass over there and wait on it.

I truly can’t with you women! You’re so desperate to be with a man that you will listen to his lies, bull-ish tales, and won’t use your simple ass judgment to say to yourself, “Wait a minute! I haven’t met his mother, have never been to his house, and never met his kids, and it’s been 15 months. And, I’m the one keeping the relationship going, and helping him financially. Something is wrong with this picture. What the hell is wrong with me??” This is when you change your number, stop allowing him access to you, and move the hell on! But, honey, I wouldn’t even let it get to 15 months. Hell, it wouldn’t have made it to 3 months! No ma’am.

I want to shake some damn sense into your damn head. Lawd, knows I really want you to just use some damn common sense. Everything he is saying to you is not adding it up. It doesn’t make sense. Then, this fool’s momma moves in with him, yet, you’ve never met her?!? Come on, sweetie, please stop drinking from his nut sac. UGH!!!

This relationship is doomed. It will not get better. It will not turn around. You will always be competing and vying for his attention with his mother and ex-girlfriend. And, guess who is going to win out all the time? I’ll let you ponder that, and I’m done with you! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click, HERE!


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