Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have a best friend who is gay, or what you would call a “Dyke.” We have been friends since high school. She is a year older than me. I am 35-years old and a FTM. (FTM is female to male transition; The taking of hormones and getting surgery to the chest or genitalia to be male. Or, you can say transgender. So the outside matches how I feel on the inside)

When me and my friend were young we hung out, partied, and did the usual things young people do. As we got older I went off to college and she went to computer school. When I came back we grew distant. I still tried asking her to hang out, and we did with her and her girl in her apartment. I invited her to my house, and I never really heard from her. I see that she is not doing well, and I offered to help. Not just money, but with jobs in places that pay well, but she just blows it off. I still invite her places, but I get no response when I text her.

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Fast forward 6 months later, and I see on Facebook that she had a baby! (A boy).  So, I write to her saying, “Congrats, and why didn’t you tell me. I am happy for you.” She responded by saying she didn’t know she was pregnant. Some bull-ish. I offer to invite her and the baby over, to show her that I am supportive, and I get no response. What should I do? – Fed Up

Dear Ms./Mr. Fed Up,

Sorry, I didn’t know how to address you.

But, err, uhm, she is not your friend. And, it’s obvious that she doesn’t want to be bothered. You’ve reached out to her and extended yourself to her, but she has been unresponsive. She doesn’t come over when you invite her to your place. When you invite her places, hell, she doesn’t even respond. Then, when you offer to help her unemployed broke ass with jobs and contacts, she blows it off. Freak her! Why keep going out of your way and bending over backwards and she is basically telling you to kiss her ass and leave her alone.

When someone is ignoring you, not returning calls, and never initiating conversation or times to get together then it’s time to move on from the friendship and chalk up the relationship as it has run it’s course. Have you heard of the saying, “Friends are in your life for either a reason, season, or lifetime – Those who are in your life for a reason are there to teach you a lesson. They are there for a short period of time and do not stay very long. They are in and out. Then, there are those who are in your life for a season. They are there for a few months, or years, and they, too, also provide valuable lessons during their short tenure. Then, there are the friends who are you in your life for a lifetime. They are die-hard, true, through-and-through friends who have your back, tell you the truth, and always there for you. They know you and you know them. You’ve gone through things, experienced some heartaches, good times, joys, pains, and laughter. Yes, true friends.” And, it seems that your friend was more like a seasonal friend. The friendship ran it’s course and now it’s over. And, for whatever reason she has decided to move on with her life, and out of yours. When people want to leave out of your life, LET THEM GO!

I mean, come on! Get a clue! Geesh! She didn’t even let you know she was having a baby. For 9 whole months she didn’t even bother to inform you, or even reach out to you after the baby was born. SHE IS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU BEING A PART OF HER LIFE, LET ALONE BEING A PART OF YOUR LIFE.

It’s time to accept the reality of what the situation is: YOU ARE NO LONGER THE LITTLE GIRLS/BOY THAT YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND YOU BOTH HAVE CHANGED. She’s moved on, and doing her thing, and it’s time for you to move on and do your thing.

You can reminisce over the good times you had, and think back of the fond memories. And, that’s how you should hold your friendship with her. Let the good old days be that of the past and what you did, and how you enjoyed yourselves. It’s time to create some new memories and new experiences with folks who will be there with you for the long haul. Why do you want to be friends with someone who didn’t even tell you they were pregnant, had a child, and the child is damn near walking? Chile, bye! Start enjoying the new chapters of life and all that it has to offer, and bring. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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