One topic that I spent a lot of time discussing with peers in the past was Nice Guys Finishing Last. If you’re new to my world, you need to find time to listen to this old episode of my Blogtalkradio show “Menage A Talks” called, “Do Nice Guys Finish Last?” It was such an eye opener for me and the beginning of a project that would grow to be so much more. Beyond what the episode represented, many tuned in for advice, gals and guys alike.
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In my younger days (wait, I’m still young!) I used to have closer relationships with my guy friends than my lady friends. I wasn’t in relationships with these men; I just found it so much more comfortable to talk to them. I was able to communicate my true feelings and interests without being met with snarky flippancy or raised eyebrow- gum-snapping rhetoric.
I realize now that it was my company and growing pains topped off with a low self-esteem dressing that kept me from connecting with more women. I’ll even go as far to admit it was also the fact that I craved a strong male presence and perspective in my life.
When I started dating or attempting to I learned that there were two categories of men: men who wanted to slip their slimy selves into my dainty drawers or men who simply loved that he could tell me anything and that we were cool..cool like dat.
Well this is great and all but the problem was that I kept falling head over 6 inch heels for the one who was cool like dat when we was in fact just a friend. This later evolved in a few instances to become cool like dat with some lovin’ on the side.
I hated the fact that I saw women who had likeability factor of zero and hardly any clothes covering their ripe bodies snag men who I felt could’ve been my equal. I also hated that I was this laid back eccentric type who appreciated taking her time and friendships. I hated being and hearing that I could only be a friend and nothing more.
In my workshops I encourage participants to wholeheartedly embrace themselves. Instead of trying to change their hardwired and brilliant personalities we work with them.
If you find that you often get caught up being the homie and not the girl/boy friend first realize that this is not failure, this is not weakness, and being a friend is definitely not undesirable. This just means that you’ve forgotten to place your emotional needs first in an area of your life, most often romantic relationship department but not always.
For example you may have been focusing on booing up when there are friends, co-workers, acquaintances who exhausting your generosity on a daily basis. How can you attract someone who is on the same emotional wavelength when you are unable to lay down the law in other areas?
If this post is speaking to you today and you know there is some ish in your life that needs working on, I urge you to send me a quick email to inquire about the summer 2012 Relationship Vision Workshop. We will meet online weekly to support one another and learn how to move past these blocks in our love life.