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Dear Gay Best Friend,

I’ve read one of your comments on, “My Husband Baby Mother Is Getting On My Nerves.” Loved, loved, loved your insight and honesty, therefore I have a question.

My husband’s family, particularly a female cousin, is bothering me. It seems like she wants her cousin in some kind of incest, or something. LOL! She texts me only if she can’t reach him, and confuses my messages and complains to my husband about me. She is over 40-years old, lonely, no man, and recently she doesn’t talk to me.

We missed her birthday party because we had another engagement. I asked her when was over and she never replied. I apologized many times, but I am not in the ass kissing business. I’ve offered to take her to dinner. She ignores me. She calls my husband crying saying, “You’re gonna believe her over me.”

I threw a party for my stepdaughter and she didn’t come. I don’t know her exact words, but she didn’t come because it was my house. Well, duh, it’s her favorite cousin’s house also. SMH! Anywho, I’m trying to avoid her at all costs, but I might see her in two weeks. I don’t feel like doing the hello kiss-kiss on both cheeks with her. FYI, I’ve seen her after her birthday at a Super Bowl party and it looked like she wasn’t gonna say anything, or she was waiting to see if I would approach her. Anywho, I might smile and meet and greet other people in the family, but I don’t really wanna kiss her hello, just a hello and wave. What should I do? – Tired Of My Husband’s Cousin

Dear Ms. Tired Of My Husband’s Cousin,

Uhm, sweetie, if you’re not in the ass kissing business then stop dropping to your knees and puckering your lips. Freak her! Let her throw her temper tantrums and act out like a little ass kid. You’ve extended the olive branch many times, and, yet she continues to want to act like a bish, so treat her like a bish. She is a non-mofo factor! She’s insignificant. Don’t let her affect your life. Chile, puhlease. I wish I would let some insignificant trifling heifer get under my skin. You better getoverher.com. And ,as a matter of fact just ignore her ass.

She is a silly ass woman, and I can’t stand grown ass women who act like little ass girls. You and your husband missed her birthday party due to a previous engagement, but she’s mad at you and won’t speak with you. Then you invite her to your stepdaughter’s birthday party and she doesn’t show up because she says it’s your house??!! Really!? Really! So, because she has a problem with you she is going to take it out on the stepdaughter, her own family member. It’s obvious she is not operating with a fool deck. Pull the hoe’s card and put that bish in her place.

Then she has the nerve to text you looking for your husband?!? Oh, no ma’am! The next time she texts you looking for YOUR husband, then you respond and tell her, “Look heifer, if you can’t speak to me or talk to me like a woman, then stop texting me looking for my husband.” And, those messages she is sending to your husband complaining about you, which you think she is confusing and sending them to you. Chile, I hate to break it to you, but she is not that dumb. She is not confusing the messages. She is sending them to you intentionally. She wants you to see them. She’s trying to act sly and naïve. If she wants to play that game, then let’s play. If she sends another ‘confusing’ message, call her up and read it back to her, and then let her know if she has some issue with you then speak up. This is her chance to get whatever is bothering her off her chest. And, if she doesn’t have anything to say, you simply let her know, “We’re both grown ass women.

This isn’t high school! I don’t have time to play childish ass elementary games. So, I’m letting you know that you don’t ever have to speak to me. You don’t even have to like me. But, you will respect me. And, I’ll be damned if you’re going to call, text, and send messages to my husband complaining about me. Leave him out of it.”

If you two can’t talk and communicate about whatever issue is going on, then I’m going to put both of you in separate corners and make you face the wall. UGH! She’s over 40-years old, with no man, and lonely. HELLO!!!!! And, she’s calling your husband and complaining to him about you. SMDH! Smack that woman upside her damn head and see if that will rattle her brain and knock some sense into it. Why is she putting your husband in the middle of her issue with you? Oh yeah, you did state that you feel that she may have some “feelings” for your husband. Watch her! Don’t sleep on your instincts. As a matter of fact, trust them.

Look, don’t worry about seeing her in the upcoming weeks at an event. Kill the hoe with kindness, and keep doing you. Let her suck her teeth, bitch, complain, and act out all she wants. As long as she keeps your name out of her mouth, and doesn’t step out of pocket with you and says something slick out of her mouth toward you, then keep it moving. She doesn’t make you or break you. She doesn’t pay the bills in your home, nor is she putting food on your table, or sleeping with you at night. So, treat her like the wretched street common asshole that she is acting like. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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