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An instant message pops up on my screen. I click “accept” and it says: “I miss you.”

I reply: “Lol, miss ya too, what are you doing?”

He says: “Thinking about you, when are we going to get married?”

This might seem a bit exaggerated but sadly, it isn’t. And I can get this message in various forms: text, Facebook, or AIM, and it’s always the same. For some odd reason, guys think that I take them seriously when they say things like this via any form of texting. Straight up, if I do not speak to you on the phone regularly, we are not dating. PERIOD. But most guys these days do not seem to understand that.

It baffles me that so often these days, once a guy gets my number, the first thing he will do is text me. Suppose I do not have a text messaging plan! I wonder if he would assume I was ignoring him instead of just assuming I might not be able to respond without paying for it. I hear complaints all the time from my friends about guys who text too much. They don’t call, but they definitely have no problem Facebook-chatting you, or instant messaging you in some way or form.

Texting vs. Talking (Why Doesn’t He Call?)

With all these methods to get in touch with someone, it just creates even more room for confusion. We do live in a technological world, but for me, dating is still only valid in the most traditional sense. Each form of communication has a certain amount of value to it, and the telephone actually still trumps all.

There’s a ranking system. In my book, phone calls are still the number one form of communication while dating. It doesn’t have to be long, or made into a huge spectacle, but I still need to hear that person’s voice. Next is text messaging. Texting still takes a certain amount of effort on his part. He has to actually pick up his phone, go into his phone book, click my name, and compose the message. This should not be the sole form of communication, but it is definitely okay to use it to let someone know that you are thinking of them.

After this, it gets a bit tricky, but I would actually say an email or a message via Facebook is third. Again, it takes effort on his part, unlike the forms that are next on my list: an instant message on AIM, Gchat, or whatever instant messaging service you use. This can be convenient if both of you are busy people, but frankly, it does not take any type of effort. It is useful and convenient, but it does not substitute actual real conversation. More than likely, if you are chatting with me on AIM or Facebook chat, it’s simply because we both happen to be online at the same time. There’s no effort put into it. There’s no time invested on his part. And Twitter? That’s not even getting ranked. I mean, if a guy just twitters me all day that makes him a weird stalker.

What it comes down to is time. Guys, if you cannot invest the time to pick up the phone to see how a girl’s day is going, how can you expect her to take you seriously? The amount of time spent, in my opinion, equates to how much you actually care. I am a busy person so I am not a fan of long, drawn-out phone conversations, but if the best you can do is tell me you miss me via instant message, that’s the most instant way for me to lose all interest in you completely.

Want to read more of Rhonesha’s musings? Visit SocietyAndStyle.com.

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