My friend Tara C called me for a drink recently. She wanted to know if her husband was cheating, and since she knew I was a Glamour-certified expert in men (there are a handful of people who know my secret identity) she wanted to know if I could help her figure it out…
Of course, every man is different. So there’s no fool-proof quiz. Lots of men pass this quiz with flying colors and meanwhile have a room reserved at the no-tell motel tonight. Others fail miserably but are actually stand-up guys. So take this with a grain of salt.
1) Did he get you flowers or a gift recently that not only was unexpected, but downright confusing? Lots of guys I know have gotten their wives or girlfriends jewelry or roses for no apparent reason – because they feel overwhelmed with guilt.
2) Is he distracted a lot? Sure, it may have something to do with work, or something less incriminating that he doesn’t want you knowing (a friend was awaiting biopsy results on an abnormal growth and didn’t tell his wife so she wouldn’t worry unduly; she, of course, thought he was cheating). But it can also be a sign that he’s preoccupied by someone else.
Have you ever suspected your man was cheating? What did you do?
3) Is he sexually ambivalent – sometimes oddly cold and then strangely horny? Some guys I know have had their sexual appetites awakened by a fling, and notice that they’re more attracted to their girlfriends afterwards. Then not that just as easily, they can go cold with guilt.
4) Has he suddenly gone paperless with his credit card bills and banking statements? My friend Andrew did this when he became paranoid that his girlfriend would see charges to bars and restaurants and – least explainably – women’s clothing stores that she’d never been to.
5) Do you just sense something’s off. It’s remarkable how many women know something’s wrong – just feel it, in their bones – without any outward signs. And it terrifies cheaters – having not slipped up at all, but having your wife or girlfriend say, ‘Is there something you’re not telling me?’ – that’s enough to give any non-believer religion.