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[From The Frisky’s “Mind of Man”]

The Hobopocalyse continues unabated: the stock market is at its lowest in twelve years, unemployment is at its highest in decades, and nobody knows how bad it’s going to get. But the good news is, I didn’t have to pitchfork-fight mole people for canned food today. Your 401K might be tanking, but canned food will always be valuable. And so will the shoulders of those you love and who love you back, even if, at this moment, some shoulders have to bear a greater weight than others.

According to a recent article in Newsweek, you can expect unemployed men, recent victims of the Great Recession of this still very new century, to revert to their lowest common gender stereotype. That means boorish frat boys decorating their fortresses of solitude with posters of bikini-clad hotties and crushing beer cans against their thick, Neanderthal skulls. And, for certain, a lot of men are being laid off. Since the economy began to crater in late-2007, four-fifths of the nearly four million people who have lost their jobs have been dudes.

When a man loses his job, his entire identity goes out the window. Society tells him that he is valued for three main things: an ability to imbibe, seduce women, and earn money. Of course, the first two are impossible to achieve with out the last one. A man is his job; it is a mirror that reflects his tribal worth. And a laid-off man is a man who becomes a clingy, bratty hermit. He turns into himself and finds flimsy shelter in perverted versions of what he’s been programmed to think makes him special. Beers will be quaffed until pizza fights for air, hardcore porn downloaded wholesale, aggressive, macho snorting will replace actual words.

But wait! Recent popular trend articles point out that some men are reacting to the economic downturn by auto-emasculating, transforming themselves from corporate lumberjacks into bizarre caricatures of 1950’s housewives, all baking, sewing, and homemaking. When canned, so says the mass media, men can either become chubby Vikings or anal-retentive Mr. Moms. I can haz moar choicez plz?

Here’s what you can expect if your man is enjoying the distinctly humiliating process of collecting unemployment…

What should you look out for?! Click here to find out.

Laid off? Start a business!

He may be laid off, but don’t let that ruin the sex!

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