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chris-rock

Chris Rock has been the voice of smart ass reason every single time he speaks. His refreshing comedic view on pop culture, relationships and politics has delivered a a mountain of quotes that always enlighten, induce laughter and make you think twice about the media’s intention of what they will or won’t inform us about. Whether you watched him on his eponymous HBO show, hosting the VMAs or BET Awards or read his various interviews throughout the years, you know Rock is as raunchy and uncouth as he is intelligent.

MUST READ: Why Was Whoopi Goldberg At Chris Rock’s Bachelor Party In ‘Top Five’? [EXCLUSIVE CLIP]

With the release of Rock’s latest film Top Five, that he acted in, wrote and directed, his character is also a comedian, but he wants to be taken more seriously, so he does s slave movie. Every last moment is comedy. It features a mean cast of the new generation of Black comedians and many of their biggest influences.

The best thing about Chris Rock is that you can count on the South Carolina born, Brooklyn raised funnyman for best soundbites you’ll want to tweet, post and share.

CHRIS ROCK’S BEST NOTABLE QUOTABLES:

1. WEALTH: “Money is the best lotion in the world.” –The Wendy Williams Show, June 2014

2. MICHAEL JACKSON’S “THRILLER” VS. KANYE WEST “MY BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY”: “Kanye’s…Kanye’s the best. The thing about Kanye is…he might be the only guy that’s ever done party records that make you think. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is probably the best piece of music made in the last 25, 30 years. It’s better than Thriller. It’s better than Thriller! There’s no “Baby Be Mine” on that record. “Runaway” is as good as “Billie Jean.” I’m not going to say it’s better, but it’s just as good.” –The New York Times, 2014

3. WHITE RAPPERS: “What happened to all the cool White guys? There ain’t no more cool White guys. All the cool White guys act Black. They act Blackety-Black-Black-Black! Rap is big. A lot of White boys rapping. You got cha Korn, Limp Bizkit, Eminem. Kid Rock. A lot White boys rapping, my God! You see Kid Rock? Kid Rock is like a substitute pimp. A real pimp let’s us keep the money! Look at all these guys! Look at these White boys dressed up Black! I like Kid Rock, but any girl that goes out with Kid Rock will leave him for a brotha, that’s right. You want the real thing, you got to get with DMX baby that’s right.” –1999 MTV VMAs

4. PRESIDENT OBAMA: “I’m trying to figure out the right analogy. Everybody wanted Michael Jordan, right? We got Shaq. That’s not a disappointment. You know what I mean? We got Charles Barkley. It’s still a Hall of Fame career. The president should be graded on jobs and peace, and the other stuff is debatable. Do more people have jobs, and is there more peace? I guess there’s a little more peace. Not as much peace as we’d like, but I mean, that’s kind of the gig. I don’t recall anybody leaving on an up. It’s just that kind of job. I mean, the liberals that are against him feel let down because he’s not Bush. And the thing about George Bush is that the kid revolutionized the presidency. How? He was the first president who only served the people who voted for him. He literally operated like a cable network. You know what I mean?” –New York Magazine, 2014

5.  HIP-HOP: “The Stones can play arenas because the Stones have songs that are not purely based on references that you had to be there for. I love Public Enemy. But they don’t have “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” Kanye will be able to play arenas maybe more than Jay Z honestly, because there’s a vulnerability and an emotional thing that happens in his music that doesn’t happen in most rap. I love rap, but rap is like comedy: It rots. Comedy rots. Trading Places is a perfect movie, just unbelievably good. But there are other comedies, not nearly as old as Trading Places, that just have references and things in them that aren’t funny five years later. And rap’s got a lot of that.”-Rolling Stone, 2014

6. N*GGER:It’s not that heavy-duty. The thing with ‘n*gger’ is just that white people are ticked-off because there’s something they can’t do. That’s all it is. ”I’m White, I can do anything in the world. But I can’t say that word.’ It’s the only thing in the whole world that the average white man cannot use at his discretion.” –The New York Times, 1997

7. AVOIDING JAIL:“Young black men — if you go to a movie theater and someone steps on your foot, let it SLIDE Why spend the next twenty years in jail cause someone smudged your Puma?” -“No Sex In The Champagne Room“, 1999

8. ON RACE IN AMERICA: “If it all goes wrong with each one of these people, they’d end up living in the exact same neighborhood. That’s reality. Automatically you’re a community because you’re the majority. I mean, it’s like your house: you don’t have a room in your house, it’s your house. You know what I mean? Yes, there is a Black community, and we have a room in the white community’s house.” –The New York Times, 1997

9. PRESIDENT OBAMA & PROGRESS:When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it’s all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they’re not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before. So, to say Obama is progress is saying that he’s the first black person that is qualified to be president. That’s not black progress. That’s white progress. There’s been black people qualified to be president for hundreds of years. If you saw Tina Turner and Ike having a lovely breakfast over there, would you say their relationship’s improved? Some people would. But a smart person would go, “Oh, he stopped punching her in the face.” It’s not up to her. Ike and Tina Turner’s relationship has nothing to do with Tina Turner. Nothing. It just doesn’t. The question is, you know, my kids are smart, educated, beautiful, polite children. There have been smart, educated, beautiful, polite black children for hundreds of years. The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people. –New York Magazine, 2014

10. HOLLYWOOD’S SECRET RACE PROBLEM:

“Now I’m not Murphy, but I’ve done fine. And I try to help young black guys coming up because those people took chances on me. Eddie didn’t have to put me in Beverly Hills Cop II. Keenen Wayans didn’t have to put me in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka. Arsenio didn’t have to let me on his show. I’d do the same for a young White guy, but here’s the difference: Someone’s going to help the White guy. Multiple people will. The people whom I’ve tried to help, I’m not sure anybody was going to help them.

I still remember people thinking I was crazy for hiring Wanda Sykes on my old HBO show. I recommended J.B. Smoove for Saturday Night Live and I just helped Leslie Jones get on that show. She’s about as funny as a human being can be, but she didn’t go to Second City, she doesn’t do stand-up at The Cellar and she’s not in with Judd Apatow, so how the hell was she ever going to get through unless somebody like me says to Lorne Michaels, ‘Hey, look at this person?'”

It’s big brother sh*t, and they ask because there aren’t that many Black people to turn to. Who do you hire? Where’s the big black PR agency? Where are the big black agents? Where’s the big black film producer?” –The Hollywood Reporter, 2014

11. THE EXPERIENCE OF BLACK WOMEN vs. BLACK MEN: “I’m from Bed-Stuy. In Bed-Stuy, the women do better than the men. My father drove a truck, my mother taught school. My mother had an easier life than my father. Any girl I dated had an easier life than me. They weren’t getting picked up by cops and thrown in lineups and shit like that. I don’t recall the girls being called nigger or any of that shit. Their stories aren’t my stories, and they were in the same school as me. I’m not saying shit doesn’t exist. I mean, I think it’s shitty that there’s no woman talk-show host on late-night TV – how Chelsea Handler does not get one of these jobs is beyond me. But when you’re talking to a black man – black women are over you, white women are over you.” –Rolling Stone, 2014

12. BILL COSBY & WOODY ALLEN: “It’s hard, man. You separate the work from the thing, and you go, ‘I really don’t know what happened.’ With Woody, I literally don’t know. I mean, I got daughters – I don’t want anyone calling my daughter a liar or anything like that. The only thing I can say is, I’ve never seen anyone accused of anything like that just once. –Rolling Stone, 2014

13. HOW TO BE A CELEBRITY: Celebrity used to be a by-product of being really good at something. A good singer or a good actor or dancer or something. Now, we’re in that weird time where being a celebrity is just about being a good celebrity. Some people are just better celebrities than others. – The Hollywood Reporter, 2014

14. MAKING JOKES ABOUT THE ERIC GARNER CASE:You got to let it sit a little bit. It kind of just comes to you, though. It’s the old thing they say — ‘tragedy plus time is comedy”‘— but you probably couldn’t tell a joke about it yesterday.

By the way, the joke is never going to be about Eric. The joke would be about the hypocrisy. What did I write the other day? ‘Are black men an endangered species? No, because endangered species are protected by the law.'” –NPR, 2014

15. THE LGBT COMMUNITY: “I think [Tim Cook coming out] is actually bigger than the football player. Because the average person in that locker room is in his 20s. And it’s just not a big deal to be around a gay guy – if you’re in your 20s. Whereas Tim Cook is around these corporate guys. That is the epitome of a boys’ club. That is sexist, ­racist – the least inclusive group of people you’re ever going to find. Men who have no problem being called owners. Who actually wants to be called an owner, even if you owned a football team? Just the title owner is just so nasty and disgusting.” –New York Magazine, 2014

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