Like a lot of New York girls, I’ve got a tough exterior.
Being born and raised in Queens catching an attitude and being ready to defend myself comes naturally. I’ve calmed down a lot and gotten smarter about how I react to things. However, I’m very prideful and I make it my business to never let anyone who’s hurt me see me upset.
So you have to understand my astonishment when I came across She’s A Homewrecker. The website, which boasts a Facebook page of nearly 250,000 likes, posts photo after photo of women who allegedly slept with or stole some woman’s boyfriend or husband and in some cases even gives the woman’s personal information. According to reports, the website was created by a woman (obviously) who’s personal blog is titled “I’m In Love With A Serial Cheater” (we can’t make this up even if we tried).
To begin, I don’t believe anyone can steal anyone. Despite what Joseline and “Steebie” J and the rest of the media will have you believe, people make decisions to willingly step outside of whatever partnership they have. No one gets stolen without the person’s permission.
Secondly, publicly shaming the woman does what? On the surface it might scratch whatever itch of revenge you have, but that won’t undo any damage. It won’t automatically repair the relationship and it certainly won’t dry any tears.
I get it. As a woman to allow yourself to love someone requires vulnerability and to have it be repaid with infidelity hurts, especially if you’re married with kids. There’s so much that comes along with cheating aside from the sex. Trust is now a thing of the past and the one cheated on is left wondering what the other girl had that she didn’t, or what didn’t she do to make him step outside of their union. Rage, sadness, confusion emptiness are all understandable emotions.
But to do all this is too much.
As a woman who doesn’t believe in letting anyone see you when you’re down, this site is the exact opposite of my personal theory. Posting the photo of a woman who got the best of me and my significant other (in my opinion) only makes me look weak. I’ll be damned if I let anyone, including her see me when I’m down. She doesn’t need to know I’m sprawled out on the bathroom floor singing Mary J. Blige’s “Not Gon Cry.” That’s not her business.
Now, that doesn’t mean a good cussin’ out wouldn’t take place once I found who the Jane was. Trust and believe an unprecedented tongue lashing equipped with side eyes and neck rolls would be on full display. But taking time out of my day, to post this broad’s photo on a site, and then telling everyone what she did to me? Oh, no! Telling the world this woman “stole” my man may shame her for about as long as a commercial break, but now I have to let everyone in on my business, and explain the inner workings of my one-time relationship. Bringing attention to her brings the wrong kind of attention to me. I’m not here for that.
I became even more annoyed when I learned the philandering men didn’t suffer half as much shame as their equally wrong female counterparts. I found this to be such a misappropriation of emotions and a very “cliche angry woman” move to make. Women have no problem fighting one another, but when it comes to focusing the anger to where it rightfully belongs men get a slap on the wrist.
As women (not girls) we need to know how to conduct ourselves, which includes not sleeping with another woman’s man (unfortunately we have to say that nowadays. It’s not a given anymore) but we also need to know how you react if that were to happen. Despite how epic, powerful and iconic Angela Bassett made burning all her ex-husband’s clothes seem on film, the best revenge is happiness, which should be your only goal.
Listen, I could be a bit too emotionally detached or removed, but one day you’ll run into your ex-man, because that’s how life is, and you owe it to yourself to be better, not bitter.
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Celebs Tweet Their Thoughts About #JusticeForSandraBland
1. Jesse Williams
#SandraBland's treatment while attempting to travel freely on HER public roadways has been acknowledged as unlawful. She is already dead.
2. Taraji P. Henson
"SAY HER NAME #SandraBland"
3. Ava DuVernay
"'Why are you arresting me?' Because you know your rights. Because I can. Because no one'll believe you. #SandraBland"
4. Kim Kardashian
#WhatHappenedToSandraBland We need answers!!!! This is NOT ok! This is all shady! They need to own up to this & tell the truth!
5. Jussie Smollet
"A loss 4 words. #SandraBlandMatters #BlackLivesMatter 👈🏿tell me this should change once the nation shows that we do. "
6. Snoop Dogg
🙏🌹. Sandra. Rip. 🌹🌹
7. K. Michelle
R.I.P to this queen. This could've been any of us. My prayers go out to her family. #sandrabland https://instagram.com/p/5fvlO_AhCf/
8. Gabrielle Union
SAY HER NAME!!! #SandraBland #SandraBland #SandraBland #SayHerName
"We must get to the cause of #sandrabland death because this CANNOT happen again #deathorfreedom"
10. David Banner
"When will we fight back. A man's duty on earth is to protect women and children. Where are the gangsters? Preachers? We need you. Please."
11. Nicki Minaj
"Rest In Peace #SandraBland"
12. Talib Kweli
"We the people ask @LorettaLynch to investigate #SandraBland #KimberleeRandleKing RETWEET "
Signs. Signs. Signs all around us. The Message is Here. #SandraBland
14. Missy Elliot
"When I look at the #SandraBland traffic video it brings so many emotions😳😢😡😡😤!"
15. Jessie J
"God bless your soul Sandra | #sandrabland | Change needs to come |Justice needs to be served | Heart… https://instagram.com/p/5fV79mQ0aw/ "
16. Jackee Harry
"It's time y'all, it's time.." #SandraBland #BlackLivesMatter
"In memory of #SandraBland these things don't make no kinda sense "
18. Holly Robinson Peete
I really don't look forward to having ANOTHER difficult conversation w my kids tonight...but here we go again😧💔 #SandraBland #SayHerName 😢
19. Jeffrey White
Sadly, doesn't matter by whose hand she died. Unjustified arrested set the outcome in motion. The state murdered her. #JusticeForSandraBland
Sandra could have been your mother, sister, aunt, friend or if she wasn't killed the community outreach advisor A&M. #SandraBland
21. Joan Smalls
"My heart is broken. Sending my deepest condolence to her family and friends. May you find Strength, Peace and Justice. When will this stop? #EqualityForAll #RIP #Why #SayHerName
22. Gladys Knight
Sandra Bland.... #SayHerName #SandraBland
23. Cara Delevigne
Things need to change NOW #SANDRABLAND #Justice #Equality
24. Meek Mill
"Rip to that young lady that lost her life about a traffic stop! 🙏 ima make sure I pray for her and her family! 🙏😄😄😄"