“Relax, It’s Just Sex!

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Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Hello Beautiful People,

It’s Friday, and it’s that time for some advice, “Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend.”

I got another two-for from some wonderful readers of Hello Beautiful. Thank you for sending in your questions. You ladies have some great and interesting questions. I humbly thank you for allowing me to give you advice on your relationships, life, career, and other areas in your life. Keep them coming.

Check out the two questions below and feel free to chime in!

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have a situation where I fell in love with a guy a little too fast. “Tony” says he has feelings for me and he wants to be with me, and that we are friends, but we’re more than friends. Tony says we are on the borderline of being together. When we are hanging out, Tony often talks about other girls and he doesn’t really show me attention like he is interested in me. Sometimes I think I’m overreacting. It bothers me that Tony doesn’t show me the type of attention one shows to someone they are interested in. And, Tony isn’t the type who is shy, believe me. Help! – “I’m Just Confused”

Dear “I’m Just Confused,

Boo Boo! Guess what? Tony is not into you!

What the hell is: “we are friends, but more than friends”? Uhm, is that sex with benefits? That is what I am sensing. Especially the lame line he gave you, “we are on the borderline of being together.” Are you serious? What is this imaginary borderline that will ultimately define your relationship? Is he Madonna? Remember her hit song, “Borderline?” Anyway, Tony gets major points, and I know every man will agree, because he’s definitely upped his pimp game, and he is stringing you along while you’re running behind him with your nose wide open. You better smell all that mess he is putting out (IT STINKS!), instead of the field of roses and lilies you’re confusing it with.

Listen, girl, if you are having sex with Tony, stop it now! Why are you giving yourself to a man who will not define your relationship? You are allowing him to eat, sample, and enjoy all the benefits without giving you anything in return. Girl, you are not a buffet. Do you think your job would allow you to show up whenever you wanted and that they would continue paying for your healthcare benefits? Do you think you could walk into the human resources office and tell them, “I’m thinking of being an employee, and I am going to try you out, but until then, I will show up for work whenever I want and do as I please, but, regardless, you’re going to pay my health insurance”? Girl, get that mess out of here.

If he is complimenting and talking about other girls in your presence, and in your face, girl, IN YOUR FACE, uh-uh, no ma’am, give him the Jimmy Choo boot! If he is not showing you the attention you feel you deserve, give him the Christian Louboutin boot. Make sure not to scuff the red soles as you leave the imprint on his face!

Listen, Ms. I’m-Just-Confused, I am going to tell you as your Gay Best Friend that you deserve all the love, attention, and happiness you can stand, especially from a man who is willing to share it with you, and only you, and he can define the relationship beyond “we’re friends, but more than friends.” But, honey, you are giving all your power over to Tony. You are giving him the power to decide where your relationship is going, and you are allowing him to disrespect you by letting him talk about other women IN YOUR FACE! Let Tony go! Tell him, “Effective immediately my love is under new management and your services are no longer needed!” – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend!

“He’s Not Gay, He Has Gay Tendencies”

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I have been “friends” with this man “Monty” for two years. While we both admit we have very intense feelings for each other, Monty decided a few months ago that we should become celibate. Now, ever since I’ve known him he has never lied to me about anything. Monty has even told me about other women he has messed around with since we’ve started dating. He swears there is no one else and he doesn’t want me to walk away. Trust me, I have given him many chances to walk away.

While he has had a rough life and have been done wrong many times, sometimes, I wonder if it’s just that Monty is scared of being hurt or he just doesn’t care. See, I’m so confused. Sometimes he treats me like a queen and other days he acts like he could care less. And, if we were actually having sex I would say it was just about sex, but we have been celibate for eight months now.

Am I completely in love with Monty? YES! But, I wonder where all this is going. Does he love me? Does he just see me as a friend? Do I stay and continue to work on things, or do I just cut my loses and move on? Help! – “Do I Move On”

Dear “Do I Move On,”

So, let me get this straight (no pun intended).

1.)    You’ve been “friends” with Monty for two years and all of a sudden he ends the sex with you and says, “We should become celibate.”

2.)    Monty has messed with other women while you were dating.

3.)    He says there is no one else and he doesn’t want you to walk away.

4.)    Sometimes Monty treats you like a queen and other days he acts like he could care less.

Sounds to me like Monty never thought of you as a girlfriend or anything serious. It seems like you were the one who caught feelings and decided to change the dynamics of the relationship. I mean, and let me get this correct, you wrote, “Do I love him? YES!” Girl, you stated, and in all caps, that you were in love with Monty, yet, you don’t know if he loves you. Have you asked him? If you did and he says he’s not in love with you, then guess what, he’s not in love with you. But, I also come from the old school where if you have to ask if someone loves you, then they probably don’t.

Also, have you asked him if you two were ever a serious monogamous couple? I would gather he only saw you as a friend with extra benefits, just like the other women he was with, and now he’s taking a break. And, he is entitled to do just that. It’s been eight months of celibacy. Honey, trust me, he is getting very clear about some things, and one thing is clear, he got you feigning. And, of course he doesn’t want you to walk away, who is going to let their booty call go? He is keeping his options open, meaning you, just in case he decides he wants to start having sex again. Girl, BYE! You better keep your options open, too!

It pains me to hear people equate sex with love. Yes, ladies, many of you equate sex with love. You think if someone likes you, then of course they want to have sex with you. Don’t get me wrong, it does help enhance the relationship, but it does not define a relationship. Let me tell it to you straight, Sex is just sex. Any man will tell you that. A man who can get an ample amount of sex from as many women, or men, as he can, then he will. It’s our nature. It’s our DNA.

But, this is where I say that you are disillusioned and twisted about your situation with Monty. You are asking, “Do I stay and continue to work on things, or do I just cut my losses and move on?” GIRL! What are you working on? Are you a therapist? Are you a certified psychologist? You mentioned he had a rough life and has been hurt many times. Who hasn’t had some rough spots? Who hasn’t been hurt? What are you going to do, fix him? Listen, Ms. Do-I-Move-On, you better get him a list of reputable therapists who can help him resolve the issues from his past. That is not your job. You can stay and be of encouragement, and empowerment, but a relationship with him is out of the question. Yes, move on because as much as you may think you can change him, fix him, and repair him, you can’t. – Straight, From Your Gay Best Friend!

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