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Dear Kareem…

I’m a 29-year-old woman and I’ve been dating the same guy for 4 years. The relationship has never been smooth, and it’s always been a challenge getting him to commit. He’s a man that loves his freedom. Not that he’s cheated (to my knowledge), but breaking up was always the first option in relationships. Well, recently I’ve met another man that is unhappily married (so he says). We are beyond compatible and I’m finding myself gaining interest in him and losing interest in my not-so-compatible boyfriend. Long story short, I am in limbo between someone I know probably isn’t my best match, and someone that is a great match with the exception of the ball and chain. What should I do?

Kareem says:

Ok, so I am going to keep it 100 in this answer. I would bet my left nut that your current man is or has stepped out during the course of your relationship. If you all are breaking up over and over and he likes his “freedom,” he is probably getting it in elsewhere. I’ve done it, and all my boys have too. It’s bullshit we do. Sorry to break it to you.

If by some miracle he is not tricking off on you… Leave him. Who needs the headache of breaking up to make up? Life is too short, and you can’t make something work that clearly does not.

As far as the married dude – don’t play yourself. Don’t be the bench player hoping to become a starter. Most of the time it won’t happen. He may be unhappily married, but if he has not left as of yet, he may not at all. He may be comfortable dealing with wifey’s BS at home, but keeps a side piece to keep his sanity. Men stay in bad marriages for a variety of reasons – financials, kids, etc. You don’t really know his situation at home, so you may be setting yourself up for failure. If you are comfortable kicking it with him and playing the “waiting game,” based on your initial chemistry, go for it. But let’s say he does become your man. When you all have rough patches (all relationships do), will you worry that he will step out on you too?

Got a relationship question for Kareem? Hit him up at Kareem.JenkinsNYC@gmail.com!

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