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Destini Gilliam

Source: Destini Gilliam / Destini Gilliam

I was living a disingenuous life. I had created the life I thought others wanted to see. It was filled with the kids, family traditions, a secretly crumbling relationship, and a fresh start-up business (Creative Reading Coach). Yet on the inside, I was hurting and even trembling from the fear of never being enough. Somewhere in my mind I felt creating a traditional lifestyle would allow me to fully accept myself. However, creating a false narrative made me hate myself more and I constantly found a way to always walk in a space of ungratefulness.

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Nothing was ever enough. There wasn’t a matching PJ set or family photo that could make it worth it. I was drowning all because instead of taking the time to know me, I created a family to hide the childhood trauma that had been kicking my ass for 30 years.

On August 7, 2020, with tears in my eyes, I walked away from the security of my relationship. There was no real plan in place of what was next. Just me, my three kids, and a bottle of wine. It was time to face the darkest parts of my life that I had covered up for long. The only thing I feared was being someone who relied on optics, but never really knew me.

I feared leaving the bad a** woman I knew I was destined to be on the table. I no longer wanted to seem like I had all the answers. I no longer wanted to look like the perfect mom. I no longer wanted to be the stable relationship girl.

Destini Gilliam

Source: Destini Gilliam / Destini Gilliam

It was time to live authentically 100% of the time. Living authentically sends the message of hope and constant evolution. When people connect with authenticity, they are secretly saying, “If ______ can do it, so can I.” Walking away from what I thought would be my forever helped me transform my life, but it also showed me that we’re ALL constantly looking for a better and sexier day.

Here’s how I’ve done that in the past 5 months…

  1. Instantly assess my current situation.

I needed to understand how I had manifested such a fake life. What was I trying to conceal? I really never learned how to be a woman. Every decision that was made was done with masculine energy to avoid being left alone. It had nothing to do with a partner and everything to do with me.

  1. Spirituality is my daily practice.

Growing up in church, I was taught one way to believe. However, I was never taught how to love and hear me. Through meditations, journaling, burning candles, and connecting with spirit guides I’ve learned to always follow the inner voice as my highest good will never let me suffer.

  1. Self-maintenance and self-care aren’t the same. However, both are mandatory.

Putting off hair and nail appointments are no longer my thing. I must maintain my appearance because that’s what makes me feel good. I also know that acts of self care is what fuels me to be better to those that I love around me.

  1. Embraced my natural femininity through pole dancing.

First of all, pole dancing scares the shit out of me. However, I knew it was important to see me gracefully move up and down the pole. For so long I had been accustomed to having a plan for EVERYTHING in my life. Pole is the exact opposite. Once you learn the moves, you’re responsible for selling it in the most sexy way possible. Seeing myself in this light not only encouraged me to live fully, but it also displayed my innate femininity.

  1. Creating a budget and taking sexy ass pictures is a must!

Simple. No long ass explanation. To take care of yourself properly you need to know where your money is going and that you can look sexy while you do it.

  1. I’ve accepted the only constant thing in my life is me.

That simply means I’m not attached to the outcome, instead I’m attached to the lesson that my soul requires from any situation.

Being sexy isn’t about what you look like. It’s the confidence of standing in your own authentic truth. Even when it goes against what others believe about you.

Sexiness is about knowing yourself so deeply that the perceptions of others don’t matter. Living in this, we open the door to attract people and situations that serve our highest goods. It leaves the door of inspiration to naturally flow. I found my sexy because I found myself.


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