In the wake of Brett Kavanaugh’s sexual assault hearings and Bill Cosby’s sentencing, “State of the Culture” host Remy Ma blamed the victims when discussing her thoughts on the 60 women who alleged Cosby had violated them. Remy said she thinks some women were lying after all these years and have a “responsibility” to report the incident after it occurs
“I feel 60 is a lot. I find it hard to believe out of 60 women, all of y’all were scared,” she questioned incredulously on the Revolt TV talk show. When Joe Budden asked if she thinks her comments might come off as insensitive she answered, “It’s not insensitive. Like I said, I don’t condone rapists, after you rape one person, it’s too many…” Victim-blaming aside, contradictory much?!
“Unfortunately, part of the procedure is convincing people about what happened,” she added.
Co-host Scottie Beam, a victim of attempted sexual assault countered, “You speak for you, you don’t speak for the 60 women who accused him.”
“It’s a traumatic experience,” Scottie passionately continued. “It’s not fair for you to say you gotta come out and say something to save other women… you can’t even save yourself at that moment.”
Remy answered back, “As women, we need to stand up a little more. Don’t be scared to come out. As women, this always underlying ‘I’m scared, I was afraid, I was this..’ I think they are valid. But I think as women, we have a responsibility as well, not just to ourselves, but to other women.”
Well, let just point out a few facts sis.
While there are people who might take advantage of a sensitive situation, for those who it really happened to, the situation shouldn’t be taken lightly. Assuming these women are liars is exactly the problem with rape culture. Demanding victims recount every skin-crawling detail and be medically examined in the same places they were just violated in in efforts to prove that they were abused immediately after it happens is choosing to overlook how traumatic the event was in addition to the damaging physical and psychological agony that accompanies this real life trauma.
As the National Center for PTSD explains, “In the time just after a sexual assault, many women report feeling shock, confusion, anxiety, and/or numbness. Sometimes women will experience feelings of denial.” RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) also reports, “Recovering from sexual assault or abuse is a process, and that process looks different for everyone. It may take weeks, months, or years: there’s no timetable for healing.”
I repeat with numerous clapping emojis, “There’s no timetable for healing!”
Remy Ma also alluded to the fact they she had been in “situations” that could’ve lead to rape or something of the sort, which makes her statements even more crushing to hear. Blaming instead of sympathizing. So no, please don’t align the deadline for me to submit this op-ed with the time a survivor has to relive their pain. I understand Remy is calling for justice, but victim-shaming is never the answer. This is the very reason survivors are afraid to speak their truth.
On the world’s stage, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony of sexual assault against Supreme Court Justice nominee Brett Kavanaugh was mocked by the President of the United States of America at a campaign rally in Mississippi on Tuesday. This definitely doesn’t help either.
“I had one beer. Well, do you think it was — nope, it was one beer. How did you get home? I don’t remember,” he mimicked to a laughing crowd. Ford may not remember the house she was at, but she said she’s 100% sure it was Kavanaugh and as the National Sexual Violence Resource Center cites, the prevalence of false rape accusations sits at a low 2-10%. Regardless, she’s being shamed in front of the entire country by a man who is also accused by at least 20 women of sexual assault and sexual harassment since the 80s and he’s still the leader of the free world.
This is just a harsh reminder that we live in a society where victims have to persuade others to believe their pain and trauma is real amidst their own tormenting thoughts of denial, depression, anger, embarrassment, and a multitude of other emotions while the alleged perpetrators lead the country. At a time like this, the last thing we need is another woman with a platform using it to encourage the horrible victim-shaming mindset of rape culture.
To survivors of sexual assault or attempted sexual assault, you are not alone and you don’t have to suffer in silence.
Survivors of sexual assault can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline to talk to a trained staff member at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). Survivors can also chat online with trained staff members at https://hotline.rainn.org/online/.