We might be in 2015, but that doesn’t mean that we have to throw out all old-fashioned dating rules.
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Some things are timeless and should remain! Check your dating style and see if you need to borrow from yesteryear.
1. The direct approach
Walking up to someone and asking them out has always been somewhat of a nerve-wrecking activity. But can we please all stop acting like asking people out in real life is tantamount to walking on hot coals? It’s not. Here’s the thing about asking: Before you ask, you’re already at a “no.” And if you get rejected, well, you’re back to where you were. It may be ego-bruising or even hurtful but it is no skin off your back! And if they say yes, well you got what you wanted, didn’t you?
2. Taking it slow
The common mantra for building a relationship used to be “Let’s wait a while” in terms of how quickly you get to different stages. Much like the way we eat, work, live and play, the way we love has become “Let’s do this as quickly as possible.” Your momma wasn’t lying when she said good things take time. These days you can meet, kiss and make a baby with someone all in the same 24 hours! Please slow down everyone. Slow and steady wins the race.
3. Defining the relationship
There are so many substitutes for dating now, we can’t even keep up. The biggest one of course is, “hanging out.” Isn’t hanging out what you do after the relationship has been established and not before? If you don’t want a serious relationship, well to each his or her own. But if you do, don’t be tricked into one of those hanging out situations. Commitments are not about holding anyone down, they are about knowing that both of you want the same thing. Let’s bring that back.
4. Picking someone up from the door
It has become far too common to text people every little detail when you’re about to meet up with them. “Be there in 5 minutes.” “About to walk in.” “In your lobby.” You could just ring the doorbell and go to their apartment and pick them up. I think it’s a function of not seeing how little things make a big difference and community social anxiety about dating.
5. Writing letters
It gets pretty tiring only getting bills, paid notices and offers we didn’t even ask for in the mail. When you’re in a relationship and especially when you’re comfortable, it’s cool to do unexpected things like writing letters for each other. Yes, you might feel a little corny at first but as long as it’s heartfelt, a little corny is acceptable. This is especially great for long-distance relationships.
6. Keep your relationship out of everyone’s business (and off social media)
Bet your parents and their friends didn’t tell a bunch of strangers and acquaintances everything that is going in your relationship. The temptation of social media to either display your picture perfect relationship or go on passive aggressive rants exists but trust that you will be a better person for staying away from the temptation. A happy birthday shout out? A cute picture of the two of you ever so often? Great. A lengthy confession of love or lover’s rant? No, just no. Keep your business between the two of you.
7. Actually making them a priority
This one is probably the most important old-fashioned rules. We all love to be I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, and not “needy” and all that. That’s great. But don’t mistake that for being someone who acts disinterested in the person they’re with or want, all for the sake of not being needy. Someone that you are romantically involved with should be a priority to you, not another thing you have to check off your weekly list. If you are blessed enough to find someone to fall in love with, let that love flourish.