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Let me tell you all about getting engaged–you will quickly become a leper. Out of the four girlfriends of mine who are married in New York, three of them have become duds and rarely go out. I do, however, have one married friend who still participates in festive outings along with me and the rest of our single friends. Our outings are pretty tame and innocent. They consist of brunching, attending industry events or watching sporting events with our other friends.

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However, I quickly noticed that the harmless head nods, smiles and innocent smiles (well what I once thought was innocent) from men all but shut completely down and is now dead to da bed (Funky Dineva voice). One of my married girlfriends informed me that there is a reversal of attention between men and women once rings come into play. She informed me that once her husband started wearing his ring after they got married, the attention he got from women (smiling, winking and speaking) increased exponentially. My friends is a secure woman in her marriage and she actually thinks that it’s cute that her husband gets all of this attention because after all, he still is married to her.

So after years and years of going out and being approached by men, if not for anything other than conversation while I am out with my girls, I started to notice that I have become that one chick left watching purses while my single girls are off doing their thing. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I am going out perusing for male attention, because I have that at home, but I would be lying if I didn’t say it is a definite blow to the ego. I have had men make eye contact from across the room, start to walk over, they see my ring, shoot me a look like this, then turn on two feet and bounce!

I mean, I still desire human interaction, sheesh!

I have also held conversations with former colleagues, informed them I am engaged and they have said (true story), “Who let you get engaged? How are these dudes allowing women like you to get scooped up like that?” I guess he meant that as a compliment, but will never know as he quickly dismissed himself mid conversation.

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What I have noticed is that this ring is like kryptonite. Women tend to think of engagement rings as pretty tokens of love or blinged out boastings of marital bliss-to-be when, in actuality, men give engagement rings to inform other men to keep their distance. It is like for an entire year, or however long you are engaged, you are in social purgatory. You are single-ish. You can only converse with the female species when you are out because men want nothing to do with a woman who in engaged. As I have told my friends time and time again, “This ring, though it is very pretty and I love it, is nothing but a means of men putting p$&&y in escrow.”

Can a sister get some conversation?

About the Author: She holds multiple degrees, is a natural born socialite, a business owner, an extreme exerciser of faith and a realist. After 3 years of dating and a year of being engaged, she is ready to tell the truth about what to expect when you are transitioning from being a single woman with no worries to a future wife. For the sake of these articles, let’s just call her Nina. After all, that was here “Club Name” for over 15 years….so yeah, introducing Nina.


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