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I haven’t dated a lot of men like Winston. He mentioned wanting kids on the first date without fear that it would scare me away. He also mentioned leaving women who didn’t want children. In my life, I’ve seen more single moms than moms engaged in a partnership with the fathers of their children, so Winston’s mindset was like a York Peppermint Patty.

Once I had all his great qualities cataloged in my mind and decided that I wanted to see him again, he asked me out on a second date. “I know this was a quick date, but I want to spend more time with you,” Winston said as he asked me out for the following Saturday. We kissed like our lives depended on how our tongues danced and we parted ways…physically at least.

He texted me from the moment he walked away to the moment he approached me on Canal St. in the middle of Chinatown on Sunday night. I could see his smile from a block away. “Hey baby,” he breathed, leaning in for a kiss. It was like we’d been together for years. I felt at home with Winston. Which is probably why I was never skiddish when he told me that at 35, he really didn’t want to wait any longer before he had his first child.

During our chat, I explained to him that as a 28-year-old move and shaker, I am focused on my life and where my career is going. I am also obsessed with travel, so that’s a big focus for me over the next few years. He smile slowly faded. Winston started to understand that his plans and mine weren’t parallel.

We both ignored it and continued having the most flirtatious date since I was a teenager. But Winston’s unborn children continued eating away at him. As I pushed around uneaten brown rice on my plate, gushing over my plans to explore Africa, Australia and Europe, Winston joked about strapping our future child to my chest as I discover Ghana.

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At least, I was taking his urgings are jokes. In all honesty, Winston wanted his family now. Once we pulled ourselves away from the kiss at the end of the date, we reluctantly parted ways. By the time I plopped on to my bed, daydreaming about Winston’s dimples, my phone buzzed. Winston’s name on my screen sent butterflies up my spine. But when I opened the text, I heat rushed to my ears and my eyes blurred with tears. “I don’t think this is going to work,” Winston wrote.

Before I could wrap my head around the rejection, he called me. “I’m sorry baby. I really like you and I think you’re amazing. But I don’t think you want kids and I can’t bend on that. I want my first child next year and you’re not ready. I don’t want to hold your life up,” Winston blurted out.

He was right. I don’t want kids next year. I honestly don’t even know if I want them at all. But I do know if I found the right partner, who would support me and our child fully, I could see myself as a mother. Winston had me believing that I could indeed be a mother, despite my hesitation. I was shocked by the lump clinging to my throat. “I…I can’t say that I don’t understand because I do. But…”

“I’ve waited in the past with women who were unsure about wanting children and it never went well for me. I don’t want to keep doing this year by year and end up 40 without kids,” Winston explained. I know that women have ticking internal clocks, but I never realized that some men share that same impediment.

I like Winston. I still do. But I know that I don’t want to change the plans that I have for my life to fall in line with someone else’s plans for their life. Winston never tried to force wanting kids on me, he simply knew what he wanted and wasn’t willing to budge. I can’t fault him for that. But I can’t lie–that instant rejection hit me where it hurts.

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