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Dear Gay Best Friend,

I am a 26-year old female who is about to give birth to my very first child. Although my child is a blessing the circumstances in which she will be born are a nightmare for me.

I planned a child with a man who is now nowhere to be found after being together for three years and thinking I knew him. Not to mention the fiancé and 6-month old child I found out about right before his disappearance. To make matters worse, it has been brought to my attention that I’m not the only female he’s done this to. OMG! I thought I knew this guy well enough to want a family and a life with him, and then all this comes pouring down on me.

I have a good idea he’ll be back, but then what? What comes after all that, seeing as how a child is involved, not to mention the deep emotional attachment I’ve built over the three years I’d known him? Is there an explanation or excuse that can possibly be acceptable at this point? DAMMIT I’M HURT, but part of me wants it to work? Holding Out Hope

Dear Ms. Holding Out Hope,

Uhm, well damn! You’re caught up in a trick bag, and your man left you holding the bag. It’s not time to open the bag and pull out the tricks and use them on him.

If he decides to come back then you make sure everything is in order for his return:

1.)    Hand him the papers of the court ordered child support payments. That’ll knock some reality into his ass and let him know that this is not a game.

2.)    Gather the other women he’s done this to, and you all have a welcome back party for him. Have him meet you at a private disclosed location, and when he walks in all of you yell, “Surprise!” Lock the door behind his ass, and let the games begin.

You want an explanation or excuse as to why this can possibly be acceptable at this point? Honey, there is none. He is trifling, no good, and a dirty dog. He’s treated you, and other women, as if you were incidental people in his life. He played with your emotions and feelings and then got you pregnant leaving you with the hopes of starting a family and having a life with him. Well, guess what boo boo, you have both, but it won’t be under the circumstances that you want it. You’ll forever be in each other’s lives, and you’ll be a family, but a very strained family.

And, I know it hurts, but you’ve got to move on. The man doesn’t want you, or to be a family with you. He has a fiancé, a 6-month old child, and is not even thinking about you. The man was having another relationship while he was with you. And, he asked the other woman to marry him, which means that you were the side hoe. OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES AND SEE WHAT IS REAL AND NOT WHAT YOU HOPE THEM TO BE. So, this part of you that is hoping things will work out, girl, it won’t. He lied, manipulated, and deceived you. Why would you want to be with someone like that? Why would you want to ever let that person back into your life? If he did it once, trust, he’ll do it again.

You have your child to focus on and be concerned about. Your child’s well-being, and livelihood is what you should be getting prepared for. And, I would make sure that your ex is hit hard in the wallet to remind him that you can’t play with folks, help create a life, and think you can just walk away. No ma’am. As a matter of fact, if he returns and tries to get back up in your bed and between your legs, I would play the S&M game with him. Tie his ass to the bed, and then go in the kitchen and boil some water and you know what’s next! That’ll teach his ass a lesson.

Gather your self-esteem and your self-worth and move on with your life. It’s time to give your love and energy to your child. This was a lesson learned. It’s a hard lesson, but take what you can from it, and be vigilante in your next relationship so that this won’t happen again. You’re too smart, beautiful, and intelligent to allow this man to have damaged you and destroyed you. WAKE UP AND GET YOUR LIFE! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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