One of the toughest conversations to initiate in a relationship besides the break-up conversation is the ‘pineapples conversation’. Pineapples, word? OK let me brief you, in comedian Kevin Hart’s recent flick, “Laugh At My Pain” there was a segment on safety words he used in the relationship to let his woman know he was not comfortable. If you have not seen the movie, check out the clip below for an example of how the word pineapple is used:
My point? At times in our happily ever after unions there will be things that the other half does or does not do that will make us feel uncomfortable. How do you break the ice and tell a man his personal hygiene needs to be upgraded or tell your lady that when she’s on top it feels more like dysfunctional bumper cars than a smooth ride in an Aston Martin?
I’ve had my share of uncomfortable conversations in and out of relationships, mainly due to the fact that I come from a retail management background. I was often put in situations where I had to tell folks a lot older than myself what the deal was. I have been cussed out and hated but I never had anybody lose respect for me, in the end apologies were given and the team continued on.
It’s impossible and ineffective for me to tell you word for word what to say, or promise that the outcome will be in your favor but believe me it’s better to be honest than to keep your concerns to yourself and go outside of the person and relationship to solve them.
Here are 5 tips to keep in mind when having a pineapples conversation in your relationship:
- Use positive reinforcement: For every negative aspect of a relationship or person there is some banging positive stuff. I know this because you would not be reading this post, it’s easy to tell someone you dislike completely what time it is. Always begin a conversation my expressing the things you like or want that person to continue doing.
- Use visuals: If it’s possible give a visual example. Either show the person how they can improve take them through the steps, work it out together, especially if its weight related. If it has to do with a sexual position or type of sex, hop on pornhub.com and knock two birds with one stone.
- Be Specific: You cannot tell someone you are unhappy and expect to them to walk away from the conversation knowing how to please you. Give specific examples of what’s bothering you and how you think they can improve.
- Fight or Flight: Be prepared for anything. Truth hurts, so your partner may be ready to fight you, they may disregard you because they are not trying to change or they may be ready to call it quits. But you know what? They may have been in the dark and will eventually appreciate your honesty.
- Do not compare: When I had to give performance reviews one of the things we were cautioned against was comparing employees. You do not want to vomit on your partner’s self-esteem by comparing their faults to something your ex used to do better. PINEAPPLES! Keep that background information to yourself. Keep the conversation in the present as much as possible.
Bonus: He without sin cast the first stone; ask your partner if there are things you can improve on. Last I checked, communication is a two way street, to assume is to remain stagnant.
What is the most difficult pineapples conversation you had to have in relationship whether it was love, work or family related?
Are there any there tips you would add to the list?
Are there any you agree or disagree with?
About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I or send her an email firstname.lastname@example.org.