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Dear Gay Best Friend,

To make my seemingly long story short I started dating my next door neighbor that is Asian/White and I’m Black. Prior to, I was single no children. Within 6 months I was pregnant. We moved in together only for me to later move out and endure my pregnancy alone. He is self-employed with money issues. I work making $44,000 per year. Our daughter was born. We reunited for 2 years. However, I’m the head of the household. I run the show, and not by choice, and after we fight over MY car. The police was called. Black cops came, and did not like an interracial couple. They wanted to send both of us to jail. They threatened to put our daughter in the system. The baby daddy takes a domestic violence charge so I don’t got to go jail and I get to keep my daughter. And, since the courts won’t allow him back in the home he starts dating a new girl.

My problem is that I’m sprung on the sex. I love him dearly, and straight out I can’t get over him. His new girlfriend has no idea about his sexual activities or preference and that’s the only time I see him. Since he’s been out of the home my daughter hardly exists in his life. I know he loves her however she’s no longer a priority to him. I am beyond dumb, however I can’t follow my own advice. Child support and all the trimmings are in effect but I can’t make the horse drink. I haven’t dated a brotha or anotha since we got together and I’m afraid. What should I do? – Stuck On Stoopid

“It’s Been 2 Years Since It Ended & My Abusive Ex Won’t Leave Me Alone”

Dear Ms. Stuck On Stoopid,

Not only are you Stuck on Stoopid, girl, you’re stuck on D**k!! A damn shame! SMDH! And, Ms. Honey, it ain’t even chocolate D**K! Girl, you done gone and got you some Asian/White D**k and he’s put some voodoo on your coochie! LMBAO!

It just goes to show you that no matter what the color all D**K is addictive! I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!

Now, let’s move on to this damn letter! Chile, I swear, there are so many all types of wrong with this letter I really don’t have the strength, energy, or wherewithal to address it all.

The major problem I have is your declaration of being the head of the household, you running the show, throwing your salary around, and fighting over, as you’ve stated, “MY” car. I can only imagine this man being afraid to go up against you – the angry Black woman! Yes, I said it! You’re the typical angry Black woman running around with your polyester suit and your DSW heels claiming how you don’t need a man to take care of you. You can handle your own. You got an attitude with the world, and everyone in it. You probably go to work with the same neck rolling, handing waving, sucking your teeth attitude putting everybody in check and telling them what you not gon’ do! You leave work at exactly 5 pm because you’re not sticking around if they’re not paying any overtime. You get into your Chrysler 300 and laugh all the way home listening to Michael Baisden, and you probably talk back to the radio giving your two cents.

Whatever differences you have with your child’s father, YOU need to put them to the side. If you’re going to be a mature, independent, and strong Black woman, then act like a mature, sophisticated, classy, and reasonable Black woman. Ugh! I’m so sick of you angry baby momma’s who want to fight with the baby daddy and then make him out to be the bad guy, but yet you want to continue to spread your legs and lay up with him when he comes over to see the child. He’s a no-good trifling so-and-so when he’s not around, but all of sudden when he does show up you love him and can’t stand being without him, and you need some of that D**k to keep you going until the next time you see him! Some ole’ basic ass women! I hope he makes you swallow.

Look, I need for you to move on with your life. Leave him alone as your lover and bed partner. I know the D**K is good and you can’t seem to ween yourself off it. But, let’s make a vital effort. He is the father of your child. It’s time to set aside your differences and work together so that you can co-parent, and nurture your child. Stop fighting in front of her and over her. It will only make her resentful of him, of you, and she will grow up only to replicate the relationship she saw you and the father do. Be an example of positivity, love, inspiration, and empowerment. Let go of the mean bad-ass angry bitter and hurt Black woman routine. It really gets old and trite. And, ultimately it’s not serving you, or your situation. And, Ms. Honey, before you even think about dating another man, especially a brotha (I know many of them are not going to put with you and your attitude), please take some meditation classes, some yoga, or even attend some spiritual classes at your church to get to the root and center of the “I” and “Me” references you consistently make. And, also address the issue of why you feel you don’t need anybody. And, please go into those classes or situation with an open mind. Chile, I can see you now raising your hand and interrupting the instructor, “Uhm, excuse me. My name is Ericka Simone Nichelle Jenkins and I don’t understand why I need to work on me. Why I got to bend over backwards, and please others, and not speak up and say what’s on my mind. I got my own car. My own house. A job. I make good money. And, ain’t nobody helped me to get any of it. I did it all by myself.” SMDH! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

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