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angry black womanDear Gay Best Friend,

This guy I used to date is still sending me messages and texts. I am married and want to tell him but I feel that it isn’t any of his business. I feel that it will only fuel him to become harassing, even though I we’ve ended it over 2 years ago.

I feel that he is still in my head. I don’t like that. I pray to be freed from his clutches, the mental clutches that is. He still plays out the cycle of abuse via e-mail and texting. He explodes, then he apologizes, then he gets intense because I am not responding to NOTHING he sends. I had spoken with him about 15 months after I fled with no contact for all that time. I did learn that he was posing as a guy on Facebook and I knew something was strange when I suggested we talk over the phone. I deleted the e-mail of the fake poser guy.

When he sends texts they are all over the place. One minute he is projecting a nice tone like he wants to be friends, then when I don’t respond his tone is intense and agitated, almost slightly threatening, then the explosion. He may send me a message of his private parts with a nasty message saying he doesn’t ever want me or to talk to me again.

He claimed he was married for a while and blames me for the reason it didn’t work, saying because I left him he was forced to married her. I want to block his number but don’t feel that he is worth a $5/month charge to pay on my cellular bill to keep him from calling. I just face it and ignore it, but sometimes his messages get to me. Sometimes I feel sad. I feel like I am missing something, and the kicker is I know I am not missing NOTHING but a ass beating and lots and lots of mental, emotional, and financial abuse.

He sends me pics of him looking at his best, but I know it’s all fake. I have thought about changing my phone number but I just feel like he is not worth me disrupting my life for. I just feel I do better ignoring him. One thing I have vowed is never to let him know anything about me. But, I wonder if I should. I don’t care that he pokes around trying to figure me out. I let him say whatever he thinks. I don’t try to respond and explain. He tries to bait me in with certain verbiage. I am sorry that I am rambling on. I have the desire to write a book about the horrid experience. I have journals and notes from the experience and I have NEVER been through the crap he put me through. But he reminded me of my mother and father mixed in one, mostly my mother. I am confused sometimes, but I know I what is right. He is trying to manipulate me. I wish he would leave me alone. – Why Won’t He Leave Me Alone

“I Reconnected With My Ex, But Learned He Has A New Baby & Now I Want Him To Stop Calling Me”

Dear Ms. Why Won’t He Leave Me Alone,

Chile, I wish you would leave me alone!

Honey, honey, honey I can’t do nothing for you if you don’t want to do anything for yourself. If your ex is harassing you and you won’t pay the measly $5/month charge to block his number, or you won’t change your number because you don’t feel he isn’t worth you disrupting your life, and you won’t speak to him and give that little boy with little ass nuts a piece of your mind (because grown ass men don’t play games like that), then what the HELL do you want me to tell you?!?!

Here we go with today’s perfect theme – BASIC WEDNESDAY! Basic Letters from Basic Women.

The BOY is already disrupting your life! He is making your life a living hell and you are allowing it to go on! You are allowing it to fester and grow and continue. And, because your basic ass won’t take any steps to rectify the situation, you want me to give you some advice on what to do? Girl, you’re a joke! You can’t really be serious.

Obviously you like the attention he is giving you, and you refuse to let him go, and, yes, he does have a stronghold on you because you refuse to allow yourself some happiness and sanity and will put up with this MoFo’s childish and insidious ish! (Look it up I don’t have to explain it for you). His abusive non-motherfreaking-factor-bum-broke-ass needs someone to stomp a hole in his chest. And, I don’t condone violence, but if he is doggedly making you feel threatened and it’s affecting you emotionally and mentally then you need to take action and quit sitting over there hoping he will eventually stop. HE’S NOT GOING TO STOP UNTIL YOU (Well, someone you know) PAYS HIM A VISIT AND KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO HIS THICK ASS SKULL. Girl, don’t you got a Pooquie, Ray Ray, Tyrone, or Big Mike in your family? Or, you know one of them in your old hood? Chile, you better get the number and dial it fast!

Hold up, hold up, hold up Ms. Scarecrow – It’s obvious you don’t have a brain. Uhm, you’re married, and your husband isn’t aware of what’s going on? I’m going to stop right here and take a moment. (Woo-sa Woo-sa Woo-sa)

(24 hours later) Okay, I’m back. I had to stop and gather myself because I was going to go in on your _______   _______   _______ ass.

Look, it’s been 2 MF’ing years and this boy is still harassing you? Two years and he’s still running behind you and you won’t do or say anything? Girl, no ma’am. Not today. That ish would have ceased on day one! But, you’ve allowed it to go on this long and you think he’s going to stop now?

Do you have any common sense? Chile, maybe he knocked it out your head when you let him go upside it years ago. Let me stop.

I tell you what – document all the information and what he’s doing to you. Take it to the police and have his black ass arrested. Let him deal with the court system. And, Annie better get her gun! Purchase you a piece and keep it cocked and ready.

And, all those naked pics he’s sending you, well, I would fix his narrow ass. I would post all of them, including his name, phone number, and his face picture all over the internet, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, gay websites, and any place else where you can put his ass on blast. He wants to play, then let’s MF’ing play!

You also need some professional therapy. Really! Get you some professional counseling on the abuse you’ve been experiencing since your parents, which you are now replicating it in your relationships. You will keep seeking out abusive men, subconsciously, and consciously, because mentally and emotionally you are scarred and damaged. You feel that unless someone is mean or abusive to you then they must obviously love you. You stated in your letter that his messages and texts make you feel sad, and you feel as if you’re missing something. But, you said you know you’re not missing nothing but an ass beating, and lots and lots of mental, emotional, and financial abuse. Sooooo, what am I missing here? Ummm, you know what, you’re crazy. You really are stupefied and perhaps all those beatings he gave you knocked something loose in your head.

I do hope you know that abuse is not love. Someone kicking your ass, dogging you out, emotionally and mentally draining you isn’t what love is. Love is not abusive. It’s not harassing. It’s not stalking. It’s not berating or belittling you. It’s not making you feel less than. No one who loves you will make you feel uninspired, worthless, or depleted. Get you some self-esteem, they sell it at Macy’s, Bloomingdales, and Saks Fifth Avenue. It ain’t cheap, darling!

You need to let your husband know what’s going on. He needs to be involved in this. Your husband is your protector and your confidante, and friend. Stop leaving him in the dark because ultimately that crazy nut case is affecting your relationship whether you know it or not. Stop being scared to speak up. Use your voice and get some backbone. For God has not given you a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and sound mind. USE THEM, along with your new piece! (Man down! I just shot a man in Central Station in front of a big ole’ crowd) – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click  HERE!

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