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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I came across some of your advice and decided to ask for some. I have gay friends but sometimes it’s easier to ask a stranger with an unbiased opinion.
I’m 25 (will be 26 in a month) and will be married to my husband a year, this Saturday, 07/16/2011. I don’t even know where to begin. We’re going to Las Vegas, leaving Friday and neither one of us are the least bit excited. The tickets are non-refundable so it’s either we go or we lose the money.
We had a disagreement yesterday, involving his mother. Well today more stuff came out, and apparently he never wanted to go to Vegas in the first place. I only suggested it because he didn’t suggest anything. Long story short, what should be something so exciting, our one year anniversary, is now just added stress. I’m sitting here crying, thinking this is only the first year.
For the most part our marriage is good, except for COMMUNICATION! Which is all on his end because he doesn’t. Any advice? – Vegas Or Bust
“I Like Being Submissive To Men, But I’m Reluctant With My White Partner”
Dear Ms. Vegas Or Bust,
I’m sitting here crying for you. Damn! Your husband never wanted to go to Vegas, you’re arguing about his mother, and you’ve only been married a year. Chile, it already sounds like DRAMA!
But, all is not lost, darling. Although your tickets may be non-refundable, they are, however, changeable. You can change your tickets, but it will be at a fee, a cost. Generally, it costs about $100 to change your ticket to another travel date. And, it depends on when you change them, the destination, and any additional costs that may accrue. So, stop stressing, call the airline, and ask them if you can change your ticket to another date, or location. Of course they will say yes. You’ve already paid for the tickets. They can’t keep your money. Now, if you change it to another location, they will charge you more money if the flight is more. So, it depends on where you want to go.
However, I’m concerned with this one year anniversary, which is supposed to “technically” still be your honeymoon, and the two of you can’t decide on a vacation trip together. WTF!?! It’s obvious your husband is not great at communicating. He let you go through the entire process of planning a trip, paying for it, and literally days before you are to leave he lets you know that he never wanted to go. Chile, punch him in his nuts and tell him to man up. Let him know how this inability to say something is going to cost you more money in the long run, and unless you two are balling out of control, you can’t be spending money all willy-nilly just because he won’t open his damn mouth!
And, you need to stop sitting over there crying and being stressed out. Because, DIVA, if this is only the first year and you two can’t get it together, honey, you have a lifetime with this man. And, by the looks of it I’m not sure if you will make it to year 5, year 10, hell, not even year 15. Find out what the real reason is to his non-communicative behavior. It may have something to do with his momma, the one you two had a disagreement over. Uhm, boo boo, you know you can’t talk about a man’s momma, and not think he is not going to take it well. That’s probably why he is spiting you and dropping this bombshell on you at the last minute. I’m surprised he didn’t stomp off in a rant and say, “Don’t you talk about my momma!” LOL!
The root of the problem is him and his momma. Mainly, he is the root, and his non-communication skills. Counseling will definitely help, and perhaps he needs some individual counseling on some unresolved issues. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, but there is something going on in his life where he needs to address them and get them resolved.
Finally, before you decide on a new place to vacation, because it’s obvious he doesn’t want to go to Vegas, perhaps you have him list three places he would like to go, and you make a list of three places you would like to go. Compare the lists, and if there is a mutual locale, then bingo, you have a new place to vacation. And, if that doesn’t work, and the airline won’t let you change the date, then ask them if you can replace the name on one of the tickets, and I suggest you call up your good girlfriend and make it a girl’s weekend. Go out there and make it a very “Hangover,” trip, like the movie. And, remember Ms. Thang, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!
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