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[From College Candy]

As a semi-live-in girlfriend, I encounter all kinds of things in my boyfriend’s boudoir that he might have previously attempted to put away or hide to create a more presentable version of himself. Well those days are long gone and I am now subject to every dirty pair of boxers, week old Taco Bell leftover and wet, mildewed towel left on the bed. But these things I’m pretty much immune to. Guys’ rooms are almost by definition a hell of a lot dirtier than girls (at least I like to pretend) and all of these little things can be fixed with a load of laundry, a huge garbage bag and a little Febreeze.

But what are the kinds of things that you would never want to find in your guy’s room? Besides the very obvious (unrecognizable panties, bras, earrings, condom wrappers) I can name a few…

1. Super Creepy Porn.

You can pretty much accept the fact that there will be some form of porn in your guy’s room at some point. You can also be fairly sure that you will accidentally intercept said pornography via mail, browser history or that shoebox under his bed. (Tip: boys don’t want you to surprise them with spring cleaning; you probably shouldn’t want to surprise them with it either.) No big deal, I say, come to terms with the fact that while your guy absolutely loves hooking up with you, he will still want to look at porn. It’s just a different outlet for their sexuality and can actually improve your sex life when seen from the right perspective. Additionally, it’s a good substitute for when your boyfriend wants to get it on (always) and you don’t (rarely, but it happens). If there were no porn there would be an abnormally high amount of blue balls or of extremely exhausted girlfriends.

All the benefits of porn aside, though, there are some types you don’t want to find. I’m not even talking about anal, little people or ridiculously oversized toys (all pretty normal in porn-world.) I’m talking animals. I’m talking leprechaun-on mermaid-on Easter bunny 3-ways. I’m talking about really flattering pictures of you superimposed over the faces of “interacting” nuns (definitely not real Catholics). Unless your man has previously shared his kink-tastic ways with you, skeevy porn is definitely something you do not want to find in your man’s room…unless you’re into it…

2. Bloody Clothes.

You’d think this would be a pretty huge red flag, but there are plenty of excuses as to why your man might have bloody clothes in his room. Perhaps he is an outdoorsman who enjoys slaughtering deer on weekends. Maybe he was building you a birdhouse and things went seriously wrong with the electrical sander. Or, for those of use with the more typical college boyfriend, he was drunk and tripped on/punched/tried to cartwheel over something and got hurt doing it. All of those reasons aside, should you find a duffel bag with a black turtleneck, jogging pants, ski mask and/or machete covered in blood, run for the hills, girl.

What are three other things you probably don’t want to find? Click here to find out.

But there are some things you DO want to know – like, if he’s really single or not.

And speaking of keeping secrets, here are some things YOU should probably keep from your man.

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